[00:00:00] Speaker A: I am a feared. It's okay.
[00:00:03] Speaker B: I am scared, but it is fine.
[00:00:05] Speaker A: All right, you got this.
Hello, and welcome to a very special episode of Spells and Whistles. I'm Grace. I play Melwyn in the main campaign. But today is not a Shifting Gears episode. No, today, dear listeners, is our Halloween One shot. Welcome to youo Goats. It's Halloween. We're playing a game called Goat Crashers, which is a one page RPG about goats by Grant Howitt. I will be serving as your goat master, and I'm gonna have my lovely guests introduce themselves before we do a little bit of setup and then off we'll go. So whoever wants to go first, just go.
[00:01:00] Speaker C: Hi, my name's Tempe Vixen. I am going to be portraying the lovely goat Ignacio. And hopefully you guys really enjoy Arcane.
[00:01:08] Speaker D: Howdy, gang. I'm Matt. Or Dinkles. Matt's a regular name, though. And I will be playing Leo Bron James. That's not his voice. I'll figure that out seconds later from this point.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: Hi, my name's John, otherwise known as D and D Monetized. And I will be playing Gilroy Bazor, a mountain goat. I'm excited to be here.
[00:01:29] Speaker A: Amazing. And last but not least, hi, I'm Ben.
[00:01:32] Speaker E: You have heard me on the main feed as ID. And today I'm playing a fancy goat named McPheet who's gonna bro it up at this party.
[00:01:41] Speaker A: Feet with a P, we should specify.
[00:01:44] Speaker E: Yeah. Ph McPh. Eat.
[00:01:48] Speaker A: All right, my stupid sense of humor aside, it is Halloween. You're goats. It is Halloween. Welcome to the most hype Halloween party you can imagine. There are skeletons, there are pumpkins. There's the odd trick or treater trying to get candy that probably shouldn't be there. But hey, the lights are on and the kids are on a mission. Unfortunately, this super awesome, super hype Halloween party is being run by humans. And you're just little goats, so the humans don't really want you there. Gee, I wonder why. So the way this game works is each of our little goats, dear listeners, have a goal. Most of them have the same goal, hilariously. But each of our little goats have a goal. We have a pool of dice called the Chaos Pool. Whenever the little guys decide to take an action and use a skill, I will roll against them with dice from our Chaos Pool to see whether or not they succeed in their endeavor and if the humans get suspicious. So I'm gonna have everybody say what their goal is for this party, and then we'll get to how you get inside. So I guess we'll just go in the same order for simplicity's sake.
[00:03:08] Speaker F: All right. Well, Ignacio once took all the goody bags for me.
[00:03:16] Speaker D: Oh, I was the second one. I forgot.
[00:03:19] Speaker C: We're so good at this on order thing.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: We love this.
[00:03:22] Speaker D: My brain was like, oh, man, I love hearing Ignacio's voice. It's so good. Let's go with this voice.
Leo Bron James is going to also try and get a goodie bag. I believe there is one goodie bag to rule them all.
[00:03:37] Speaker A: Wait a moment.
[00:03:38] Speaker B: I was not expecting Kermit.
[00:03:41] Speaker D: I wasn't either.
[00:03:43] Speaker C: I'm living for that place. I'm not gonna l. My face is gonna hurt by the end of this.
[00:03:46] Speaker A: Nobody ever expects Kermit.
[00:03:48] Speaker C: No one expects the froggy inquisition.
[00:03:50] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly.
[00:03:51] Speaker D: Sneaks up on you.
[00:03:53] Speaker B: Gildroy is also looking to experience one of these goodie bags.
[00:03:56] Speaker E: While everybody else is getting goodie bags, I'm getting that paper. I'm pitching my portable party microphone to all these rich people, trying to get them to fund my project.
Portable party microphone, also known as ppo.
[00:04:11] Speaker A: Phenomenal. Oh, my gosh. Okay, so.
Oh, I'm not gonna make it through, like, two sentences of this one shot without just completely breaking. This is gonna be great.
[00:04:21] Speaker C: It's gonna be awesome.
[00:04:22] Speaker A: So this is a big ass house, right? You know those, like, fancy neighborhoods where the house has, like, a gate in front of it and then there's like, they have, like, a pool in the backyard, and they have, like, a pool house and like all this other bullshit going on, Right? So huge fucking house is basically the tldr on this. There are two backdoor entrances, one big front entrance, and then like a couple side entrances. We're gonna say two. Two side entrances. There are partygoers basically everywhere. There's not a lot of security detail because there's like, you know, they got the gate. The gate is open as partygoers and trick or treaters are coming in and out. There is a camera by the main gate, but that seems to be the only one about there. These people are rich, right? They got them good breadies, like that generational wealth.
[00:05:10] Speaker B: Yeah, I've heard that. These people have bread. I'm hungry.
[00:05:14] Speaker A: They do also have bread. That is true. You've heard through the. I was gonna say the pipeline, the goat line, the grass feed.
[00:05:23] Speaker F: We call it the haywatch. It's where we eat our hay and just watch what the humans do.
[00:05:28] Speaker A: There you go. Yeah, you've heard through the haywatch about this party. You Watched them kind of set it up over the past week. So discuss amongst yourselves. How you getting in? What's your plan?
[00:05:40] Speaker E: I would love to hire us a limousine so that we look swag as hell driving up and we can just go through the gate and ride up to the front door and not get looked at weird because everybody's showing up in fancy cars, right?
[00:05:55] Speaker A: Varying degrees of fancy, but yeah, they have wheels.
[00:05:58] Speaker E: They got wheels, so we better have wheels too.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: They do got wheels.
[00:06:01] Speaker D: That's fancy enough for me.
[00:06:03] Speaker E: I'll roll to hire a limousine.
[00:06:06] Speaker A: Sure. Fuck it. We don't have anything in the chaos pool yet.
[00:06:09] Speaker E: Perfect. So I'm just rolling two. I'm not being charming. I got a five and a five. So that's two successes.
[00:06:16] Speaker A: Yo, let's go. I think the. I think they have their now having to think about the logistics of a goat calling to hire a limousine. Yeah, I think the person that answers you is kind of just like a. Huh? What are you asking for? You need a limousine? For what? Oh, that big party down at the block. Okay, I got it, man. You got you, you got you. You might need to take a license or something. Your voice sound a little rough there, buddy. But yeah, we'll send. We'll send one of our guys down there. Should be there in like 10 minutes.
[00:06:55] Speaker E: Great.
[00:06:55] Speaker A: Look for big white limo.
[00:06:57] Speaker E: And it's white too. Perfect. You gotta contrast with the darkness of Halloween with a white limo.
[00:07:05] Speaker D: It's like a long ghost.
[00:07:07] Speaker E: Everybody make sure you get in your costumes before the limo shows up.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: I gotta figure out my costume.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: Yeah, take a minute.
[00:07:15] Speaker B: That was.
[00:07:15] Speaker F: We're paying for this with real human money, right?
[00:07:18] Speaker A: Yeah. What money are you using for this?
[00:07:20] Speaker E: Yep. I pickpocketed our. Our shepherd.
[00:07:25] Speaker F: Oh. I was just gonna offer to give you this credit card that I bid out of a five year old's hand. That's what they get for allowing children to have access to funds.
[00:07:35] Speaker E: I like the credit card idea better. That's more old money style. Let's do that.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: You, I guess with like a little hoof. A little hoof. Huff, just like punch in the credit card number into this phone for the guy. You just like. Yep, yep. Looks all good. Yeah, Jim will be there in like a couple of minish. 10 minutes. How about I stick to what I said before? 10 minutes. Jim will be there in about 10 minutes. In the meantime, you are goats, right? You are going into a Halloween party. If you don't want it to be extremely obvious that you're goats, it might. I was going to say behoove you, but I realized. Nice sounds like an unintentional pun.
[00:08:17] Speaker D: Let's make it an intentional pun.
[00:08:19] Speaker C: Yeah, let's make an intentional pun.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: It might behoove you to, you know, disguise yourself in some way, shape or form.
[00:08:27] Speaker F: Hell yeah. Cloven behooves.
[00:08:28] Speaker A: So it's not super obvious that you're fucking goat.
[00:08:33] Speaker B: Can I find a gourd of some kind? I want to carve like a pumpkin head like a Jack O Lantern, but it not be a pumpkin. I want it to be some kind of green gourd.
[00:08:47] Speaker A: Yeah, go for it. I was gonna say roll an investigation check. And I remember this is not D and D.
Roll 2d6 for me.
[00:08:54] Speaker B: Of course. I would love to. I just realized my dice box is going to make the loudest noise in the world.
Oh, no. That is two twos.
[00:09:04] Speaker A: You find a bundle of leaves kind of stuck together that kind of looks like a gourd from a distance. And then you get up close and you try to tug on it, and nothing happens.
[00:09:14] Speaker B: I'll make it work. I'll figure it out. I'm covering myself in leaves.
[00:09:20] Speaker A: How are the rest of you disguising yourselves? Tempe, go.
[00:09:23] Speaker C: So Ignacio is going to find a bunch of old solo cups and stick them all over their bodies. So whenever they walk around, they just kind of sit because they're small. They're just an old pile of solo cups, and they're going to a party. There's going to be solo cups everywhere.
[00:09:39] Speaker A: Amazing. How are you. Pray tell, how are you sticking these to your little goat body?
[00:09:45] Speaker C: Well, they are going to roll around in a mysterious sticky substance they found in the trash cans out back. And then they're going to then roll around in the solo cups they found in the exact same trash can. Because this house most likely has parties consistently. What else are they gonna do with all that gosh darn money? And voila. Instant glue. Mysterious instant glue of mysterious origin. And then solo cups. I'm now a walking pile of trash.
[00:10:12] Speaker A: Beautiful.
[00:10:13] Speaker B: So we have two piles of trash, two ghillie suits, one made of leaves.
[00:10:19] Speaker F: Yeah.
[00:10:21] Speaker C: Do I roll for this one?
[00:10:23] Speaker A: I'm just gonna let you have it.
[00:10:26] Speaker D: Yeah, you can take the garbage.
[00:10:27] Speaker C: You know, you rolled in poopoo garbage.
[00:10:32] Speaker D: You earned it.
[00:10:33] Speaker A: For mysterious sticky substance. I will let you have that.
I will say mysterious sticky substance might have a smell that might be a little bit the smell of success going inside. But we'll get to that when we get to it.
[00:10:48] Speaker F: Ignatia doesn't have any Smell buds left after the horrible poo incident of 1932.
[00:10:54] Speaker D: 32 how old goat.
[00:10:56] Speaker E: Holy moly.
[00:10:58] Speaker A: How do you look? Beautiful. Immortal goat.
[00:11:01] Speaker D: The sticky substances. Immortality.
[00:11:03] Speaker F: I'm not youthful.
[00:11:05] Speaker B: Did you not know that you were immortal?
[00:11:06] Speaker F: Immortal's such a human word. I like to think of it as more of eldritch horror.
[00:11:11] Speaker B: Great old one.
[00:11:12] Speaker D: I would like to think that Leo Braun has heard the shepherd's son talk about another goat that people are, like, cool with seeing around places. He wears a yellow jersey that says Lakers with 23 on it. And he knows that the shepherd's son has one, so he just kind of took that and put it on. So he figured if people call that guy a goat, I won't get in trouble for being a goat at a party, because that's. They call me a goat, and then I'm a goat. So I think I'll be fine. So, literally, he's just wearing LeBron James jersey, and he's just a goat. And they're going to be like, oh, wow, you're doing, like, a whole. I get it. It's. Yeah. And hoping that works.
[00:11:53] Speaker C: It's very millennial. I love it.
[00:11:55] Speaker B: I'm about it. I'm about it.
[00:11:57] Speaker A: You know, I didn't say what time this was taking place. People might be drunk off their ass by the time you get to this party.
[00:12:02] Speaker D: 1930. Oh, yes. You are a great basketball player.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: What's basketball, Ben? Go for it.
[00:12:10] Speaker E: I'm also going to break into the shepherd's house. Our shepherd went to a wedding a couple months ago in the summer and finally got a suit. So I'm going to take a suit and wear a suit.
[00:12:20] Speaker A: Just wear a suit?
[00:12:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:21] Speaker E: I'm just going to wear our shepherd's suit. It'll be fine.
[00:12:24] Speaker A: The name's McPhee. Goat McFeet.
[00:12:27] Speaker E: Yep.
Yep.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: All right.
So for Matt and Ben, because you're both breaking into the shepherd's house, I'm gonna let you roll together.
[00:12:36] Speaker E: Great.
[00:12:36] Speaker A: I'm gonna let you both roll to see how successful you are in breaking and entering.
[00:12:42] Speaker D: There's one thing I'm good at. It's rolling.
[00:12:45] Speaker E: I got a one and a six.
[00:12:46] Speaker D: So one success, a one and a three, which.
Yep, that's what the paper says. I'm reading the paper now, and it says that one of the three. It means you win the whole thing. So.
[00:12:58] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: Okay, so how I'm gonna rule this is you get in, you get your stuff, but I am gonna add two dice to the chaos pool.
[00:13:06] Speaker E: Understood.
[00:13:07] Speaker A: So those are two Dice that I will roll against you when you're rolling stuff, if you've gotten enough successes. I would have just been like, yeah, you guys break in all the fucking time. Like your shepherds. Just so used to it.
[00:13:18] Speaker D: But now enough, they keep replacing the window that I break.
[00:13:22] Speaker A: Okay, so you have. You have a couple more minutes to chit chat before Jim, your limo driver, arrives on the scene. So discuss amongst yourselves. What is your plan? Which entrance are you heading for?
[00:13:38] Speaker D: Guys, I heard they have these really cool bags, these mysterious bags that will grant you a wish anytime you open it at the party. And they just give them away for free. I think we need to get our hands on those, but I don't know where they store them. So hopefully they have streamers at the party and we can rappel down from the ceiling once we climb on top of the house.
But outside of that, I don't know. Do you have any ideas where these bags might be once we get there?
[00:14:07] Speaker F: You listen to good old Ignacio. Those bags are always on the biggest table in the fanciest, brightest room. That's how I live so long. I found one goodie bag once, and here I am chasing the high ever since.
[00:14:24] Speaker E: I think I heard the goat vine wrong because I heard bag, and that meant that I need to get that bag. So you guys can go do that. Like I'll, you know, when we'll meet back up at the limo after you guys get your bag and I get my bag and we'll both have. We'll all have bags of different kinds.
[00:14:46] Speaker F: You and your human squibbles.
[00:14:48] Speaker E: You know, me and my thesaurus that I keep under my hay bale.
[00:14:52] Speaker B: I just want a colorful spider ring, that is all.
[00:14:56] Speaker D: I think there's some spiders behind the shed. Do you need a ring for it?
[00:15:00] Speaker B: Are they. Are they bright orange?
[00:15:03] Speaker D: What's orange?
[00:15:04] Speaker B: Wait, are goats colorblind?
They better not be, because that's like the whole point of my character.
[00:15:10] Speaker D: I can.
[00:15:11] Speaker A: Is it bright gray?
[00:15:13] Speaker B: Our goats colorblind?
[00:15:15] Speaker A: Goats are not colorblind, but they are dichromats, meaning they have two color receptors and cannot see red.
[00:15:22] Speaker D: I feel like there's a part of.
[00:15:23] Speaker C: Yellowish green and purplish, bluish purple, but can't distinguish between red and green colors. They all look yellow to them.
[00:15:31] Speaker B: I'm going to say orange, but probably the typical orange. Yeah, the orange that I can see.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: Does it know what orange is?
[00:15:41] Speaker B: I'm ready. So we're going in through the roof is what I hear.
[00:15:45] Speaker F: I mean, I had planned on just walking through the back door. Like trash. Duh.
[00:15:50] Speaker E: I'm walking through the front. I mean, I got a limo.
[00:15:53] Speaker A: You are arriving in a limousine.
[00:15:55] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Oh, I forgot. We're not hitmanning this.
[00:15:59] Speaker D: Yeah. So we arrive in the limousine and then walk around to the back door.
[00:16:04] Speaker C: Ignacio is on the floor of the limousine still acting like a pile of trash. They are committing hard to this bit.
[00:16:10] Speaker E: Heck yeah.
[00:16:11] Speaker A: All right, so Jim, your limo driver, you kind of hear them pull up.
You hear a little. A little bit of like a screeching metal sound as the bottom of the limo, because they sit very low to the. To the ground, kind of starts coming up this hill and is not doing the best trying to come up the hill.
Totally not speaking from experience of driving a car that was really low to the ground once upon a time. Yeah. So that limousine is making a couple noises, but looks pristine.
You hear Jim kind of cursing up a storm like, ah, shit, you fucking hills. Fuck this fucking rich neighborhood. Like, does not sound too, too pleased. But he rolls up to. I'm guessing you gave him like an address of like a mailbox or like this corner of X and Y or something like that.
[00:17:01] Speaker D: Hand drawn image of a house.
[00:17:04] Speaker B: It's just the shepherd's house. We just described it, though.
[00:17:08] Speaker A: Yeah. Jim has his phone out and he's kind of like, all right, picking up four of you, taking you into the party.
[00:17:17] Speaker E: Yep. Here's our credit card that my friend gave me from stealing for child.
[00:17:22] Speaker D: Keep the change.
[00:17:23] Speaker E: Yeah, keep the change.
[00:17:24] Speaker C: You hear from a small pile of.
[00:17:26] Speaker F: Solo cups dealt with capitalism and nepotism.
[00:17:30] Speaker A: You know what I've seen weirder on the job?
[00:17:33] Speaker C: Fuck it.
[00:17:34] Speaker A: Happy Halloween. Get in the back. He just takes the credit card, swipes it, and hands it back to one of you.
[00:17:41] Speaker B: What is inside of this limo?
[00:17:44] Speaker A: Very typical limo layout. So you got the seat that's across the back, and then you got the seats kind of running parallel to the limo body there. There's. There's like a cooler, right. Little mini fridge that's got some waters and sodas.
There's. There's like another one that's kind of marked like 21 plus. Only you must show ID that has, you know, booze in it. You know, very nice, very clean interior. Not like tan seats instead of white because the outside is white. And cleaning light colored seats is very much a pain in the ass in a car, especially one that gets used very often. So very clean, very immaculate. Got some kind of mood LED strips going around the perimeter. I'm assuming y'all get in the car, Tempe's Ignacio is just turning to a little trash pile.
[00:18:36] Speaker D: I would like to stand on top of the car as it drives.
[00:18:41] Speaker E: Sunroof.
[00:18:42] Speaker D: Is there the sunroof thing that can open up?
[00:18:46] Speaker E: Yes.
[00:18:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:48] Speaker D: I want to live my party girl dreams.
[00:18:51] Speaker A: Live your party girl dreams.
[00:18:53] Speaker F: Cause he's got his hooves up. He's playing their song.
[00:18:57] Speaker B: Gilroy is going to pull out a Pizza Hut rewards membership card as his ID and go for the liquor.
[00:19:05] Speaker A: Roll 2C6 for me.
[00:19:07] Speaker B: Absolutely I will.
[00:19:09] Speaker C: If you had made it a Blockbuster card, they would have not even bothered checking.
[00:19:13] Speaker B: I know.
That is a six and a three.
[00:19:17] Speaker A: Okay. So I rolled a two and a three. So no successes are getting subtracted from you, luckily.
[00:19:23] Speaker B: Phenomenal.
[00:19:25] Speaker A: You smell a little whiff of alcohol coming from Jim, your driver. We're gonna say it's pretty late at night. Like, it's. We're going to say late at night. We're going to say it's like 11 o'clock. So this party's been going for a bit. So Jim's been probably driving around for a bit tonight. So he's had a few drinks. Should he be driving the limousine? Probably not. But he's, you know, he insists that he's fine. If anybody asks, we here at Spells and Whistles do not condone drinking and driving. I should say that we do not condone this.
[00:19:59] Speaker C: DUIs are not cutesy. They're not DNI.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: DUIs are not cute.
[00:20:03] Speaker B: No.
[00:20:05] Speaker A: All right, but. Had to put that out there. But yeah, he just kind of. He. He looks at your thing, he squints at it, and it hands it back to you and it's like, have that. Perfect.
[00:20:16] Speaker B: I've always wanted one of these chaos potions. The White Claw.
[00:20:20] Speaker A: Claw.
[00:20:21] Speaker F: But you have hooves. You would think you'd look for something more hoove related or even horny.
[00:20:28] Speaker D: This one says it has hops.
[00:20:30] Speaker F: Oh, we hop. That's a correct beverage.
[00:20:33] Speaker B: Just imagine your head leaning in from the. From the sunroof.
[00:20:37] Speaker D: Upside down. Yeah.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: And then I just gnaw on the can. I don't even know if it's like opened already or not.
[00:20:44] Speaker A: The White Claw is not.
[00:20:45] Speaker C: You see, Ignacio kind of extend a single cloven arm with a single Solo cup stuck to it. Not even. He's not holding it. It's just stuck to the arm because of the mysterious sticky substance they rolled in earlier.
[00:20:56] Speaker F: Help yourself, baller.
[00:20:59] Speaker A: So are you just chewing on this fucking can and getting White Claw everywhere? Is that what's happening right now?
[00:21:07] Speaker B: Can I roll to see how successful he is in not getting a mess.
[00:21:11] Speaker A: Sure. I have chaos Dice.
[00:21:13] Speaker D: Every cup is full. Every solo cup is now full.
[00:21:16] Speaker B: A six and a two.
[00:21:18] Speaker A: I rolled two threes again, so.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: Oh, it's messy. It's messy.
[00:21:21] Speaker A: It's messy, but not as bad as it could be. It's not like you bit into the can and everything just went, like, everywhere.
[00:21:29] Speaker B: I accidentally. Oh, what's it called? What's it called when you.
[00:21:33] Speaker C: When you shot it? You shot. Put it.
[00:21:35] Speaker D: Shotgun.
[00:21:35] Speaker A: You shotgun.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: I accidentally shotgun a white claw.
[00:21:38] Speaker E: That's so sick.
[00:21:40] Speaker A: Goat, the mental image fan artist.
[00:21:42] Speaker E: It's definitely giving flu.
[00:21:43] Speaker A: Fluz.
[00:21:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:45] Speaker E: I'm gonna change the mood lights to be extremely fast disco mode. Like a change through the colors really fast. And I'm gonna just help distract the driver from all of this back here by just throwing it back and dancing to the music.
[00:22:04] Speaker C: Just giving that little goatee booty. Just kind of like shaking it like Ryan gave it.
[00:22:10] Speaker E: Trying to party like his regular customers.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: Do, and therefore customers.
[00:22:14] Speaker A: Can you roll?
[00:22:15] Speaker E: Yeah, of course. Am I being charming?
[00:22:17] Speaker A: Can you roll an advantage? Can you roll an advantage for me?
[00:22:20] Speaker E: Sure.
[00:22:21] Speaker A: I'm not going to roll against you. I just want to see how low you throw it back.
[00:22:25] Speaker E: I got three successes out of four.
[00:22:27] Speaker A: Amazing.
Oh, this driver. This driver. You see him just kind of, like, periodically. Just like, damn. Okay. As he's driving, periodically glance up at the rear of your mirror and be like, I'm impressed. I. That's not the voice I gave him. We're going with it. You guys slowly make your way up the hill. I don't know if you've turned on music at all while you're on this. You have. There's, like, a little panel. There's a couple little panels. There's one on one side and one on the other where you can control what music is playing. So if you want to have, like, little disco girl vibes going to match your lighting.
[00:23:06] Speaker D: Yeah. I think we had party in the G oat playing.
[00:23:10] Speaker E: Nice.
[00:23:11] Speaker A: I was trying to come up with a chapel roan, like, hot to go.
[00:23:14] Speaker E: Parody on the spot to go.
[00:23:17] Speaker A: Melted a little bit, literally.
[00:23:19] Speaker C: Hot to goat. Hot to goat. You just add two Hot to goats. Because you can easily do A and T again. That's not that hard. Just fingers up, arms down.
[00:23:27] Speaker E: Or just hot goat and replace hot.
[00:23:29] Speaker B: Goat with the G and O o.
[00:23:34] Speaker A: H o T G O a T.
[00:23:37] Speaker F: Aren't I just a sexy blade?
[00:23:40] Speaker A: Oh, no. Okay, so it's only getting drowned out a little bit by you blasting chapel Goat music. I don't know. Maybe.
[00:23:50] Speaker D: Don't you like this bleach?
[00:23:51] Speaker E: Ooh, nice.
[00:23:52] Speaker B: That's a good one.
[00:23:53] Speaker D: I know, right?
[00:23:54] Speaker A: As you're going along, you're heading up this hill toward this big house. And, you know, the limousine is just kind of like scratching along a little bit as it's heading up the hill. Limos are not made for hills, people. They're very low to the ground, but they're very aesthetically pleasing cars. So you're pulling up to this party. This party is bumping like, they got. Why did I default to Backstreet Boys? They got the Backstreet Boys going, fuck it. I don't know.
I don't know what people play at parties.
[00:24:27] Speaker B: Backstreet Boys would be the party. I would want to go to some.
[00:24:30] Speaker C: NSync, some MBOP boys, some Hanson.
[00:24:35] Speaker A: My brain just went, what's music that gets white people turned? What's on that playlist wherever I go, like MBOP.
[00:24:42] Speaker C: Just some handsome to get some handsome.
[00:24:43] Speaker D: Mr.
[00:24:44] Speaker B: Bright side is like, blaring.
[00:24:46] Speaker C: Oh, the killers. Yeah. No, 100%.
[00:24:49] Speaker D: I feel like Backstreet Back is definitely the Halloween song, though.
[00:24:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:52] Speaker C: Some Scooby Doo esque shenanigans.
[00:24:54] Speaker A: So the. So the Backstreet Boys are blaring. You're rolling up a couple people. See name Leo Braun. There we go. Like, I wrote them down for a reason.
[00:25:05] Speaker D: I forgot to.
[00:25:08] Speaker A: A couple of. A couple people toward the entrance that are just kind of like swaying around.
They've had a lot to drink. They're a little bit gone. They're. They're fully. Just kind of like swaying, not with the music, to their own little beat.
And they see you hanging out, living your best party girl life on the top of this limousine. And they're just like, fucking men. Do it.
Yeah, I'm a goat.
[00:25:35] Speaker B: I like from the frame of reference of the people, it's just a goat in a LeBron James jersey standing on top of a limo. To us, it's probably epic.
[00:25:46] Speaker D: Not to them, it's a guy in a goat costume wearing a LeBron James jersey. That's the extra dimension to Chess, I imagine.
[00:25:54] Speaker A: They can only see because it's dark, Right. They can only see so much of you. So they see, like the goat silhouette and they're like, oh, somebody did some weird ass, like Gompers from Gravity Falls meets LeBron James kind of like, situation.
[00:26:11] Speaker D: The crossover of the century.
[00:26:13] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:26:14] Speaker B: The depth of that costume, like, the amount of things that you need to.
[00:26:19] Speaker A: Know, you'd be surprised what people Bring to cons sometimes, man.
So the people up front are really like, kind of like, yeah, Jim, your driver is going to kind of pull to a stop in this, in the little entry way and just kind of go, all right, you fellers, fellers, have a good one and have a goaded evening. And he's just gonna drive up.
But as he's driving down the. He's driving, leave five stars.
[00:26:52] Speaker E: Could I.
[00:26:53] Speaker D: Could I attempt to, with my moralities in high alert, try and take his keys so he has to attend the party with us?
[00:27:03] Speaker A: Oh, fuck yeah. Go for it.
[00:27:04] Speaker D: So he doesn't have to drive.
[00:27:06] Speaker A: You can drive.
[00:27:08] Speaker D: Oh, this is gonna be bad.
I got a one and a four. So that's one success.
[00:27:13] Speaker C: I believe Ignacio would assist because they would purposely put themselves right next to the driver's feet because they're just a pile of solo cups to trip them.
[00:27:21] Speaker A: Add another. Add another D6.
[00:27:25] Speaker D: That's a three.
[00:27:27] Speaker A: All right, so still one success. I'm gonna add one chaos dice to Air Pool and.
[00:27:33] Speaker D: And one Jim to our party and.
[00:27:36] Speaker A: One Jim to your party. He had another drink or two while he was driving up the hill, especially while he was like really just getting frustrated about how hard it was to drive up this hill. So eventually he just kind of goes, gag, fuck it. And he'll just kind of like look around for his keys. This car has one of those push button ignitions, so you don't actually turn the key in the. In the ignition. So keys were sitting off to the side. So you did give one success. He did grab it. He cuz I rolled no successes. So do not get to take your success away from you. But let's go. You grab his little fob. He kind of goes around looking for the keys to make sure they're where he left them. And he's just like, God damn it, like looking for his keys and finally just goes.
And he'll pull the car over and park it out of the way. Not a good parking job. He's doing what my friend and I lovingly call a girl. Park where he is kind of in the space, but he's very, very crooked.
[00:28:40] Speaker B: He's like up on the grass a little bit. The front bumpers and the sidewalk did.
[00:28:45] Speaker A: Not do a very good job parking.
[00:28:47] Speaker E: I'll slip his old business cards into his pocket so that he can network a little bit at this party.
[00:28:54] Speaker B: These rich people, oh, what a king.
[00:28:57] Speaker D: Absolutely trash being like, I'll drive you where you want to go.
[00:29:02] Speaker B: Tell me where.
[00:29:03] Speaker A: Roll me a D12. Then if you have one on your desk. I do see how many you get into his pocket.
[00:29:08] Speaker E: Great.
[00:29:09] Speaker D: All 12.
[00:29:10] Speaker E: I got a 12.
[00:29:12] Speaker D: Let's go.
[00:29:13] Speaker A: Let's go, King. So you get 12 of these into his pocket and he's like, pat in his pockets. Gets out of the card individually, one at a time, one every like two minutes.
So he kind of passes pockets as he gets out of the car to wander a little bit. He's just kind of like it. And he'll go into the fridge that you needed to present an ID before you. He gave you permission to go in. And he'll pull out. He'll pull out a Bacardi and he'll just pop it open, take a swig, and walk inside.
Jim does not want to be working right now.
[00:29:53] Speaker B: Well, he's not anymore.
[00:29:54] Speaker D: His costume's a driver.
[00:29:56] Speaker A: Exactly. Oh, yeah.
So the four of you are now at the party, but you are outside this massive house.
So I heard a couple people go, we're going to get up there and we're going to walk around. Or we're going to get up there and we're going to just go through the front door and say, fuck it. You have options. There's two back doors, one big front door and two side entrances. So if you want to divide and conquer, that is an option. If you want to go in altogether, if you want to try and fucking heist this shit like Ocean's Eleven this bullshit through the roof, feel free.
[00:30:32] Speaker C: I know Ignacio is going to try to go through the back door. Like they said. They're trash. Trash comes through the back and they're going to just kind of like do a little sleuth crawl stop every so often when people notice them and continue sleuth like crawling on their belly because they're already small, so they're just a little itty bitty almost roombain themselves, just covered in solo cups through the house.
[00:30:52] Speaker A: Okay. Because you are disguised so beautifully, I am going to have you.
Sorry. Ben just said metal goat solid into the.
[00:31:04] Speaker D: Are you like an anti Roomba where it's like instead of cleaning up, you just leaving like a. Oh, yeah, no.
[00:31:08] Speaker C: I'm leaving a trail of like goat hair and like random other trash that was stuck underneath the solo cups. Because, like, I just rolled around in trash. That's all I did. I rolled around in garbage. That was mostly solo cups, but a whole bunch of other stuff as well. So they're like, yeah, there's a candy wrapper that fell off from my. From like my ass end. Sorry.
[00:31:25] Speaker A: You can swear you can swear I.
[00:31:26] Speaker C: Was like, wait a second. And, like, just random stuff as well. Like a little bit of a hoof, like flake or something here or there. Just random.
[00:31:35] Speaker A: Amazing. I am going to have you roll with advantage. So you are going to roll 3D6 because you are a pile of trash.
[00:31:42] Speaker C: I am a pile of trash.
[00:31:44] Speaker A: And because you are small.
[00:31:46] Speaker C: I am small.
[00:31:46] Speaker B: I am following Ignacio to the back. However, I am not. I don't know, this might help Ignacio, actually, because I just want to climb up the wall to the second floor and, like, go in through a window bathroom. Like a window a bathroom window. Not window bathroom.
[00:32:03] Speaker A: A window bath. A window bathroom.
[00:32:05] Speaker C: It's just. It's a bathroom meant specifically for windows. Every so often when the dew comes in the morning, the dew drops down in an almost disgusting manner. And that's how it piddles.
[00:32:14] Speaker A: Okay, so I'm gonna count these as two different checks. Sick. Ignacio, because you are small. This is what I was gonna say. I was gonna give you advantage anyway. Okay. But I'm giving you an advantage also because you are a little goat. So I'm gonna have you roll four D6, actually. Okay, John, I'm gonna have you roll your typical 2D6.
[00:32:32] Speaker B: I am climbing.
[00:32:34] Speaker A: However you are climbing, so I will let you add one on there.
[00:32:39] Speaker B: Sick.
[00:32:42] Speaker A: With the caveat that there are, like, floodlights outside of this house. Cause you are, like, in the property proper now, so things are a little bit more well lit, so you might not be the most conspicuous just climbing up the side of the wall.
[00:32:55] Speaker B: Not trying to.
[00:32:57] Speaker A: So I'm going to have Tempi go first and then I'll get to you in a sec.
[00:33:00] Speaker C: So I rolled a 1, 2, 4, and 5. So two successes.
[00:33:04] Speaker A: Okay, that is going to be one success because I rolled three on the chaos dice. I rolled one success on chaos dice. So you do pretty well. There's one person that kind of looks over from like, a clump of people that was kind of like, yeah. And saw, like, you as a little trash pile in one spot and then looked over and the trash pile moved. They were like, huh? Like, so confused. But they'll just kind of shrug and grab another drink and go, all right, whatever. Moving trash. Must have been the wind, right?
So you and your little espionage mission, mission Impossible style, crawling across the floor, eventually reach the door. Pause on that. I'm gonna jump over to John. John, what did you roll?
[00:33:50] Speaker B: A five, a five and a two.
[00:33:53] Speaker A: Okay, so two successes. I got one success. So that's gonna be one success. Taken away from you, unfortunately. Chaos pool. You are climbing the wall. At one point, you do hear somebody kind of go, like, hey, look at that. And you just kind of like, I.
[00:34:07] Speaker B: Just look like leaves on the wall.
[00:34:09] Speaker A: Yeah, Mine are, like, sticky.
[00:34:12] Speaker B: Mine are, like, stabbed through, like, the wiry fur that I have. So just like a porcupine ball of leaves.
[00:34:22] Speaker A: So somebody does go. You're like, hey, what the fuck is that on the wall? And, like, you flatten yourself against the wall, try and blend in with the ivy or whatever might be there. Maybe there's a nearby tree.
And as you do that, somebody else come, like, kind of goes to stand next to the other person. They're just like, are you stupid? There's, like, a ghost decoration right there. There's blowing in the window. Stupid.
[00:34:44] Speaker E: Like, yeah, they're stupid.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: I just need to go to the.
[00:34:47] Speaker A: Bathroom, like, bats him on the head and walks away. And the guy kind of, like, stares in that direction for a second, squints a little bit, and then goes back to doing what they're doing. So you can continue climbing until you get to that window. The other two of you, how are you getting inside?
[00:35:03] Speaker E: I think we just walk through the front door. Give us the paparazzi. Give us the swag. Give us the attention.
[00:35:11] Speaker A: All right.
[00:35:12] Speaker B: Controversy.
[00:35:13] Speaker D: I've changed my mind, and I will accompany McFeets through the. Through the front door.
[00:35:18] Speaker A: All right. Amazing.
[00:35:19] Speaker E: I'm just, like, pretending to, like, stop people from taking pictures of Leo Braun. Be like, no photos, please.
[00:35:28] Speaker A: Oh, you're his security detail.
[00:35:31] Speaker D: Hi. I'm a goat.
I'm a goat. Or the. I'm the goat. I am a the goat.
[00:35:39] Speaker A: A couple of people are just like, oh, my God, your coat costumes are amazing. Like, yeah, we know. So good. The fur is so realistic. How did you do that?
[00:35:49] Speaker D: Like, maybe I was born with it.
[00:35:50] Speaker E: Give him some breathing room.
[00:35:52] Speaker A: One or two people are like, oh, he's the goat. I get it. Yeah.
[00:35:57] Speaker D: Could I add my charm die to this?
[00:36:01] Speaker E: Yeah. We're both extremely charming, so probably gonna crush this.
[00:36:06] Speaker A: Both of you go ahead and roll at advantage for me then. Yeah, you are really, really working the crowd.
[00:36:13] Speaker D: I got a 1, 3, and a 4.
[00:36:15] Speaker E: I got a 6, a 4 and a 1.
[00:36:18] Speaker A: I got no successes. So y'all charming the fuck out of this crowd.
[00:36:22] Speaker D: We'll take it.
[00:36:23] Speaker A: Really, really working the crowd. Just schmoozing as you go on in.
Cut to Tempe coming around the back. Are you trying to rendezvous with your goat buddies or you just beelining?
[00:36:37] Speaker C: Ignacio has a mission and that mission is goodie bag. And they love making a mockery of physical boundaries. So they've been weaving through people's legs underneath underfoot, purposely, like extending a leg out here and there to make a semi drunk person fall over another person. And then doing little itty bitty calls as they do so. Like just random voices and they're like.
[00:36:59] Speaker F: I always loved you.
[00:37:01] Speaker C: Trip the one guy into another guy.
[00:37:03] Speaker F: And like love story started.
[00:37:06] Speaker C: And then continuing on their way through the crowd of people.
[00:37:10] Speaker A: Roll 2D6 for smallness.
[00:37:11] Speaker C: For me, a 5 and a 3.
[00:37:13] Speaker A: Amazing. There is, I think, the couple that's.
[00:37:17] Speaker F: Just like, I've always loved you.
[00:37:20] Speaker A: The couple you kind of push together.
A fight breaks out because their partner is nearby and does not appreciate that his friend is just supposedly done this to him.
So you did her like a couple. You fucking asshole. I knew it. I knew you fucking loved her. Like in the background as you're crawling through bold causing chaos.
So I think you make your way into the more main area to kind of look around a little bit. John, you are entering through this bathroom window on the second floor.
[00:37:58] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:37:58] Speaker A: What do what goal?
[00:38:02] Speaker B: My goal, I want to make a distraction. Right. I want to get as many people away from like what's going on inside of the house as possible. So we have as much time to get the goodie bags. I'm turning on the bathtub, sink and shower.
[00:38:18] Speaker A: Oh, no. Okay. Yeah, I'll just give that to you because that's not. That's not something that's exceedingly difficult to do.
[00:38:27] Speaker B: The difficult thing, locking the door and then closing it on myself while I leave.
[00:38:33] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:38:34] Speaker C: Hope they have good home insurance.
[00:38:37] Speaker B: They're rich. They'll be fine.
[00:38:39] Speaker A: Tell me how you plan to do this.
[00:38:43] Speaker B: What kind of lock is it? Push lock. Where it's just a little button.
[00:38:48] Speaker A: I think it's one of those weird ones where you have to. And you have to turn it.
[00:38:53] Speaker B: It's one of those that's even harder.
Goat hoof. Like just hitting at it until it gets stuck in between the two parts of my hoof.
[00:39:03] Speaker A: Amazing. Cool. The store does open inwards into the bathroom. Yep. So how are you closing the store behind you?
[00:39:12] Speaker B: I haven't figured that one out. I'm gonna do the thing when you have too many groceries where you like momentum and then quickly try to run out of the way of the door to get it to close.
That is my game plan.
[00:39:28] Speaker A: Give me. Give me.
Roll 2D6 for me.
[00:39:32] Speaker B: Absolutely. I can. I would love to. Oh, dear. No.
[00:39:37] Speaker A: What did she roll?
[00:39:38] Speaker B: Three to one.
[00:39:40] Speaker A: Okay. So the door does not close.
[00:39:43] Speaker B: That's fine.
[00:39:44] Speaker A: Gonna leave it?
[00:39:45] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:39:46] Speaker A: All right. You leave this door open with running water. I'm gonna roll to see if anybody is upstairs and spots you.
[00:39:55] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:39:56] Speaker A: Nope. It looks like basically everybody's downstairs in LA main area. So are you gonna head downstairs? Are you gonna keep on creeping about?
[00:40:09] Speaker B: I'm gonna keep on creeping about looking for more things to distract people in the house upstairs. Like, potentially another bathroom.
[00:40:19] Speaker A: Go for it. In the meantime, we'll cut back down to everyone else downstairs.
[00:40:23] Speaker B: Perfect.
[00:40:24] Speaker A: All right, so we got leo Braun and McPh. Eat McPhee. I don't know why I said it that way. That was real fucking weird.
[00:40:35] Speaker D: That's good.
[00:40:36] Speaker A: We got Leo Braun and McPhee coming through the front area.
Everybody's kind of like, oh, I get your. I get the costume. That's cute. Like, oh, my God, I love that so much. It was so fun. We have Tempe crawling their way through Ignacio. Ignacio. Ignacio doesn't matter. He's a goat.
He's a goat.
[00:40:57] Speaker C: He changes it himself daily.
[00:40:59] Speaker A: We got Ignacio crawling through with a little pile of trash. The two of you, knowing what you're friend's costume is, out of the corner of your eye, kind of see this little trash pile scooting along the floor through people as you go.
[00:41:15] Speaker D: Look at him go, crushing it.
[00:41:16] Speaker E: Hey, you should probably go with Ignacio because you're both looking for those goodie bags, right?
[00:41:22] Speaker D: Yes, I will do that.
[00:41:23] Speaker E: I'm gonna split off.
[00:41:24] Speaker D: Good luck. On your microphone. Yep. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
[00:41:29] Speaker E: I'm gonna go find a rich person.
[00:41:31] Speaker A: Throw. Throw a stone nearby, and you're gonna find one at this party.
[00:41:35] Speaker E: So could I listen for?
Firstly, if I saw, like, a name plate on their gate of, like, this is the person whose house it is. I want to listen for that name and find that person. Like, the owner.
[00:41:47] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, the name. The name is, like.
I was going to say McFeely. No, that's not. That's it. I'm pretty sure that's copyrighted.
[00:41:55] Speaker B: Just make it the Belmonts. It's okay.
[00:41:59] Speaker A: That's definitely copyrighted. Yeah, probably you can still use the name Konami. Don't come for my ass, please.
[00:42:05] Speaker C: The McWealthies on the. On the head.
[00:42:08] Speaker A: The McWealthies. We'll say McWealthies.
[00:42:10] Speaker E: Great. I'm listening for people talking to the McWealthies.
[00:42:13] Speaker A: Yeah, go ahead and give me. Are you. Are you, like, conversing as you're Doing this. Are you schmoozing at all?
[00:42:20] Speaker E: I'm schmoozing. I'm just like, hey, what's Your name? I'm McFeet. Nice to meet you. And like, going around, like, asking people.
[00:42:27] Speaker A: Yeah. So I've. I've realized that I should have been having you roll 46 total because it's 2d6 if for something risky, and then you add 2 if you're doing your goat skill or if you are doing your favorite goat thing.
That's on me. That's my b. We will. We will go from there forward.
[00:42:50] Speaker E: So I'm rolling four here?
[00:42:53] Speaker A: Yeah, you're rolling four here because you're charming, you're schmoozing.
[00:42:55] Speaker E: I only got one success. I think I'm just too short.
[00:42:59] Speaker A: Yeah, you got a couple people that are, you know, chit chatting.
As you clop your way through the crowd, you really. You do come across one person who really seems to be the life of the party. He's like, standing on a couch with a bottle in the air, kind of like dancing around. So he seems to be. He seems to be like the life of the party. You're not really sure of his name. You do hear somebody nearby talking about something. Something McWealthy is doing. XYZ. You don't know if it's the same person that's dancing up on the couch, but there is somebody talking about a McWealthy nearby.
[00:43:35] Speaker E: Great. I'll go dance on the couch with this guy. I've established that McVie is good at throwing it back, so I'll go throw it back on the couch with this person.
[00:43:44] Speaker A: Amazing.
We'll say, like, sir, mix. A lot comes on or something. You can throw it back.
An appropriate song. But yeah, you start throwing it back with this guy. He. He's gonna take a look. He got no successes. He's got no clue that you're a goat.
You just like, ah, hey, I like your costume, little man.
[00:44:07] Speaker B: Are they also throwing it back?
[00:44:09] Speaker A: Well, like, is this guy throwing it back?
[00:44:12] Speaker B: Well, yes.
[00:44:14] Speaker A: Nah, he white girl. Wasted. Unfortunate, you know? So you are out throwing back this man, but he's. He's having a good time. He's dancing. He's had. He's had.
He's a little. He's a little blind to the fact you're a goat for some reason, but that's fine.
[00:44:31] Speaker E: I'll let us just chill and vibe for a while before pressing the real subject.
[00:44:37] Speaker B: Let it steep.
[00:44:38] Speaker E: Yeah.
[00:44:39] Speaker B: Gain some trust, some rapport.
[00:44:41] Speaker E: Exactly.
[00:44:42] Speaker D: I love it. Teach them how to dance first.
[00:44:44] Speaker A: So you come here often?
[00:44:46] Speaker E: No.
[00:44:49] Speaker A: That's a shame. We throw parties like this a lot.
[00:44:52] Speaker B: Sweet.
[00:44:53] Speaker A: Yeah, you're pretty good dancer.
[00:44:55] Speaker E: I know a wink.
[00:44:57] Speaker A: You got a name?
[00:44:58] Speaker B: McPhee.
[00:44:59] Speaker E: McPhee.
[00:44:59] Speaker A: With a pH.
[00:45:01] Speaker E: Because I got a PhD and throwing it back.
[00:45:08] Speaker A: Sentences I never thought I'd hear Ben say. All right.
Ayo. That's fucking dope, man. You know, we throw parties like this a lot. This is like my dad and my brother's place.
[00:45:21] Speaker E: Nice.
[00:45:21] Speaker A: But, like, they're pretty cool. And I'm pretty. I'm pretty drunk.
[00:45:26] Speaker B: Oh, I thought you were gonna end the sentence there, just like, and I'm pretty.
[00:45:33] Speaker E: Hey, I can't hear you that good. Don't you wish you had a microphone?
[00:45:37] Speaker A: What was that exactly?
[00:45:39] Speaker E: We can't hear each other very well, so it'd be important if we had a microphone.
[00:45:43] Speaker A: Oh, you. Right. You know, we had one, and then I think it fucking broke. I think. I think Paul, like, checked it off the second floor balcony, dude.
[00:45:54] Speaker E: Paul Night.
[00:45:55] Speaker A: Yeah, Paul. Yeah, you Paul.
[00:45:58] Speaker E: You Paul.
[00:45:59] Speaker A: What are you doing here?
[00:46:00] Speaker E: Hey, you Paul.
[00:46:02] Speaker A: Anyway, in the meantime, cuz, you're just gonna. You guys are just gonna yell you Paul for a while.
[00:46:07] Speaker E: Yeah, a couple minutes, probably.
[00:46:09] Speaker A: The rest of you here. You Paul from wherever you are.
Matt. Are you not Matt? Leo Braun. Character name. Goat name.
Leo Braun.
Goat in a Lakers jersey. Are you making your way over to Ignacio or what?
[00:46:29] Speaker D: Yes, he is making his way over to Ignacio and will look to his side and see a man in the corner crying because he's being yelled at.
Paul, Paul's not having a good time at this party.
And then I'll make my way over to Ignacio as we search for the goody bag.
[00:46:51] Speaker A: All right, Ignacio, what are you up to? Are you just still shuffling your way along?
[00:46:56] Speaker C: Ignacio has their head in the game. They are looking through the crowd, looking for, as they know, the biggest table, because all of the goody bags are always on the biggest table.
The small ones have booze, possibly drugs, but the big one has goodie bags, and the goodie bag is where the good stuff is at. So Ignacio is continuing their little chaos trail of trash just kind of dropping stuff as it comes by. They still have most of their solo cups attached to their body, but it's. It's warm in there, y'all. There's bodies moving. There's lights going. Some of the trash is probably starting to now slowly fall off Ignacio's body. The sticky substance is now becoming less sticky because now, Ignacio, they're sweating it's getting moist in there. And so there's probably now an accompanied odor of goat and whatever that sticky stuff was, which we still don't know to this time. And they're kind of still moving through people's feet. Occasionally they like to bite shoelaces, maybe munch on like a decoration from someone's costume as they walk by. Add it to the trash pile on their back. Trash for the trash goat. But.
But they're making steadily their way to where they think maybe the center of the house is where the biggest table is to find those goodie bags.
[00:48:16] Speaker A: Amazing. We're gonna say the two of you meet up as you're making your way to this lorg table.
[00:48:23] Speaker F: Make my way downtown?
[00:48:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:48:26] Speaker D: Oh, hey, Ignacio. What's that goater I smell? It's like a goat odor.
[00:48:34] Speaker F: Well, we're goats, so it's probably me and whatever that's sticky stuff was out back.
[00:48:39] Speaker D: Mmm. Okay. Do we need to find more sticky stuff for you? You could check in the fridge or a drawer.
[00:48:46] Speaker B: A drawer?
[00:48:47] Speaker F: Ah, no, no, I'll roll over there in that gum, that bubblegum flavored vodka in a little bit. That stuff is not only toxic, but sticky as hell.
[00:48:57] Speaker D: Great plan. Have you found the largest table?
[00:49:00] Speaker F: I have not. Unfortunately, while small, does keep me safe from wandering eyes of these drunkards, I have a hard time finding an advantage point.
[00:49:10] Speaker D: Ooh, I have an idea. Paul.
I'm the call for Paul. Sobbing Paul.
[00:49:17] Speaker A: You see, Paul looks up for him. He's just crying in the corner. He's just like, what? What do you want?
[00:49:23] Speaker D: You're tall, right?
[00:49:25] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:49:25] Speaker D: As I look up to him, towering.
[00:49:27] Speaker E: Over me, are you seven foot tall, Paul?
[00:49:29] Speaker A: It's not my fault I'm tall.
[00:49:31] Speaker D: You're perfect the way you are. Perfect enough to find the goody bag table. Where is it?
[00:49:37] Speaker A: Oh, the goody bag table. I don't think the goodie bags have been put out yet.
He usually puts them out toward the end of the night, which isn't for another few hours.
[00:49:47] Speaker C: Ignacio then at this point starts slowly climbing Paul. So you see Paul's legs slowly becoming covered in trash goat. And you see Ignacio's head pop up. For the first time, a part of their body other than just trash is now visible. And they look, they're like hanging on their knees, slowly climbing up further and further and further up Paul's body going.
[00:50:08] Speaker F: Paul, listen to me here, you piece of fucking tall shit. You're gonna tell us where those goody bags are. Cause if not, you will accomplish nothing in your short life. That humans have.
[00:50:22] Speaker A: Um, okay, I need you to roll.
[00:50:27] Speaker D: I need you get on Paul's head and be like a trash ratatouille and.
[00:50:32] Speaker C: Then walk him for They're. They're aiming to slowly crawl onto the top of Paul's head.
[00:50:37] Speaker A: Okay, I'm going to have you.
[00:50:38] Speaker C: They're basically venom.
[00:50:40] Speaker A: I don't even know what this roll is.
[00:50:43] Speaker D: We are Ignacio.
[00:50:45] Speaker A: I'm going to have you roll minus 1d6. So you're going to roll three instead of four. Okay. Because you're small, so climbing him won't be that difficult. You're rolling against the chaos pool and I'm trying to see if he's freaking out or not.
[00:51:01] Speaker C: I am doing my favorite thing, which is making a mockery of physical barriers. This human is just another mountain for me.
[00:51:11] Speaker A: Roll four, don't roll three.
[00:51:12] Speaker E: That's deeper than it should be. I think for this game.
[00:51:18] Speaker A: It'S a one pager.
[00:51:21] Speaker C: All right, let's see here. Oh, damn. It's not good, guys. It's two ones, a three and a four. So I only got one success out of that.
[00:51:28] Speaker A: Yeah, you start rephrasing what I was gonna say. I was gonna say you start mounting Paul. And I was like, nope, not correct. Yep. So we're gonna cut that out. You start scaling Paul like a mountain.
It's not great, but it's what I got. So you start climbing on Paul, and Paul sees this dirty ass goat starting to climb him. I'm going to add two chaos to two dice to the chaos pool as Paul shoves you off and starts screaming his head off. Because there is a dirty ass, crazy looking thing that he cannot identify as a goat at the moment climbing his body. You just hear, what the fuck? What the fuck?
[00:52:17] Speaker B: So during all of this, I have been on the second floor.
[00:52:21] Speaker A: You have been on the second floor.
[00:52:22] Speaker B: I have heard on multiple occasions McFeet yell, Fuck you, Paul from the second floor.
[00:52:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:52:30] Speaker B: My mission has changed from, like causing a distraction to getting back at Paul for whatever reason is happening.
[00:52:39] Speaker A: Poor Paul.
[00:52:40] Speaker B: Can I knock something from like, I don't know where Paul is in comparison to the stairs leading up to the second floor. Is there like an interior balcony of sort?
[00:52:51] Speaker A: There's like a big, big staircase going up. There might be like a kind of pseudo hallway kind of connecting like a loft area to where the staircase is so that he's like kind of under there.
[00:53:03] Speaker B: Can I drop something onto Paul?
[00:53:07] Speaker A: Fucking.
I will let you roll 2d6 to look around for something to drop.
[00:53:12] Speaker B: Okay, I will. You know If I don't find anything sizable, I am dropping my.
That is a six and a one.
[00:53:21] Speaker A: Yeah, you don't really see anything. This may or may not be because I think it's even funnier for you to just launch yourself off of this balcony, though.
[00:53:27] Speaker B: Yep. I am. I am airstriking Paul right now.
[00:53:34] Speaker A: Oh, gosh. Your favorite thing is standing on stuff. So I will let you add your.
[00:53:39] Speaker B: 2D6 if it helps. I will. I will go hooves first onto the top of his forehead.
[00:53:45] Speaker A: Oh, no, I don't. You're about to kill a man.
[00:53:51] Speaker E: This is not the goal.
[00:53:53] Speaker C: I mean, if you roll bad enough, it might be.
[00:53:55] Speaker B: Gilroy just has a mission.
[00:53:57] Speaker D: Rest in peace, Paul. You aren't dead, but you might be.
[00:54:00] Speaker A: I am going to remind you that once per session, each of you has access to the party hard ability.
[00:54:07] Speaker D: Oh, I think jumping from a second story is partying hard. I feel like.
[00:54:11] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that's.
[00:54:12] Speaker C: I feel like it's party hard.
[00:54:13] Speaker A: You get to add the chaos pool.
[00:54:15] Speaker B: So I'm partying hard.
[00:54:16] Speaker C: I. I feel like you should. Yeah.
[00:54:18] Speaker A: You have your 46.
[00:54:19] Speaker B: Can my. Can my partying hard be a slow mo of some water raining down from the flooding bathroom too, through all of this?
[00:54:28] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:54:29] Speaker B: 656.
[00:54:31] Speaker A: What's the. What's like the dear sister meme who's like what you say with even Jen heap.
[00:54:38] Speaker D: Oh, wait, you have the shower head. That's like doing the spinny rain that's falling down with it.
[00:54:45] Speaker B: I believe. I believe that that would be.
[00:54:47] Speaker A: You have your 44 plus the chaos pool.
[00:54:51] Speaker B: Yeah. 6565 is what I ended up with.
[00:54:55] Speaker C: The goat gods want you to do this.
[00:54:57] Speaker A: So you have a grand total of seven successes because you got to add, I rolled three from the chaos pool.
So. Gilroy, John, my beloved friend.
[00:55:11] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:55:11] Speaker A: Please describe to me how you fucking missile strike this man from above with your goat body.
[00:55:18] Speaker B: So from Leo Bronze perspective, Paul is just screaming with Ignacio climbing up him. And then it's just this Smash Bros style, like launch downward onto his forehead and losing it. He's just. He goes from standing sideways on the floor, him poignantly standing on his tippy hooves on his forehead. Game he is. He is unharmed other than four hoof prints on his forehead and he's unconscious.
[00:56:03] Speaker A: Somebody in Mortal Kombat Halloween, like cheap spirit Halloween, Mortal Kombat costume walks over with a fatality sign.
[00:56:14] Speaker D: Animality.
[00:56:15] Speaker A: I can read. The person that was just dancing on the couch with you is gonna see Paul go down after being having A goat launch himself at him from above, WWE style, and just kind of go, God damn it, Paul. And he's gonna hop off the couch, he's gonna go, hey, your little portable microphone thing, like, wait, go. Go over there for a second.
I gotta take care of this dumb fucker.
[00:56:46] Speaker B: But he's already taken care of.
[00:56:48] Speaker A: Different kind of take care of you.
Nice ghillie suit. No, Just gonna grab Paul and not even pick him up, like, by the feet, by the legs, and just drag him to another room really slowly.
Very caring, very good host.
[00:57:06] Speaker E: This man is a goat salute.
[00:57:09] Speaker A: Goat salute. So all four of you are now in the main hall.
[00:57:13] Speaker B: Beautiful.
[00:57:14] Speaker A: I am going to give all of you, just because this is not actually a thing, but I think it'll be funny, I'm gonna give you an extra D6 to add to your next roll just because you have borne witness to the partying harder of your companion. So I'm giving you basically an inspiration. That's not how this works. I don't care.
[00:57:34] Speaker B: That's what one pages are for.
[00:57:36] Speaker A: That's what one pages are for. We're here for chaos. So all of you are now gathered in one place.
You hear a bunch of people being like, bro, Paul got fucking wasted. That was kind of dope. You hear like, one or two people in the back kind of going like, okay, but like, is he good? Should we go check on him? Because he just, like, that looks like it hurt.
And then another couple people just go like, nah, fuck Paul. Like, most of this party, not a fan of Paul.
[00:58:07] Speaker D: How did Paul even get invited at this point? How much his friends don't. I don't even know if I'm not even calling friends, how much his enemies invited him to this party.
[00:58:15] Speaker B: I want the story to be about Paul.
[00:58:17] Speaker A: Like, I will let you roll two D6. You don't have to use your bonus D6 on this. I will let you save it for an actual roll. I will let anybody roll two D6 to see.
[00:58:26] Speaker D: I got two fours.
[00:58:28] Speaker A: Two fours. So two successes.
[00:58:30] Speaker B: I'll.
[00:58:31] Speaker E: No, I got two fails.
[00:58:32] Speaker B: Not at all. I got two fails.
[00:58:34] Speaker A: So you hear as. Did I give this guy a name that you were throwing it back with? I don't remember.
[00:58:42] Speaker D: Mick something.
[00:58:43] Speaker B: McWealthy. Mc.
[00:58:44] Speaker D: Wealthy Jimmy McWealthy.
[00:58:46] Speaker A: Did I give him any other names?
[00:58:49] Speaker B: No, just McWealthy.
[00:58:50] Speaker A: Just McWealthy. All right. The McWealthy boy comes out of the area that he dragged Paul to, and he's just like, I'm so sick of having my Stupid cousin here and just grumble, grumble, grumble, grumble, as he comes back to. Over to McPheet.
Normal sentences said by normal, everyday people.
[00:59:16] Speaker D: My Cousin's here. Hi, McPhee.
[00:59:18] Speaker B: I heard you were saying. Fuck, Paul.
[00:59:20] Speaker A: I don't think. I don't think I heard you. I don't think. I don't think I got your name earlier, little guy.
[00:59:26] Speaker E: Hey, I'm McPhee.
[00:59:27] Speaker A: Sup, McPhee? Let's go somewhere quieter.
[00:59:30] Speaker E: This is my friend Leo Braun.
[00:59:32] Speaker A: Oh, because he's the goat.
[00:59:33] Speaker E: Exactly.
[00:59:34] Speaker A: I get it.
[00:59:34] Speaker E: He's looking for the party bags. So I heard that those aren't out yet. You want to give them one early?
[00:59:41] Speaker A: Oh, shit. Do you guys gotta go?
[00:59:43] Speaker E: Yeah, we gotta. We gotta dip soon.
We're hitting 17 parties tonight.
[00:59:48] Speaker A: Shit, bro.
[00:59:50] Speaker E: Yeah, we're going to.
[00:59:50] Speaker A: Tell me how that goes anyway. So here's what.
Here's what I'll do. Then you can come with me. And he'll point to McPhee. You can come with me while I go. Try to remember where I put the goodie bags. Cause.
[01:00:05] Speaker E: Yep. Yeah, let's wander in, chat.
[01:00:07] Speaker A: I'm drunk.
And we talk about your microphone idea. And I. You. He points to Gilroy. That was fucking awesome. He had that coming. Thank you.
[01:00:19] Speaker B: You sent me on a mission. I heard your words like a voice from God.
I guess it was from below.
[01:00:29] Speaker A: So the devil you know, you got the horns going on. It fits nice ghillie suit. And he'll just, like, walk away to Procure goody bags. McFeet, you get LED through the house. If the rest of you want to tag along, you're more than welcome to. He didn't say you couldn't.
If you want to continue to LA party, there are. There is, like, booze and other drinks and things to eat and goodies.
[01:01:00] Speaker C: So Ignacio probably is going to follow whoever said goody bag, because that is.
[01:01:04] Speaker A: That is.
[01:01:05] Speaker C: That is their goal. That is. That is their life's purpose. That is why they exist. That's why they've, you know, continued on these many years.
[01:01:12] Speaker B: Are there any orange spider rings?
I guess it would be a bracelet for Gilroy, but I'm looking.
[01:01:22] Speaker A: You can go look by the table. Because a lot of the times when people set up, you know, like, they'll set up like a party table, they'll put, like, little rings and little goodies just, like, on the table with the snacks and shit.
[01:01:33] Speaker B: So I have heard of this item from my forefathers.
[01:01:38] Speaker A: I have heard tell.
[01:01:42] Speaker B: Yeah, I will look at Ignacio and Leo Braun with the look of. Save one for me, my friends. I'm going on a mission. I will be back. Like that heartfelt goodbye look before I turn and leave them Goat speed.
As to you do the.
[01:02:09] Speaker D: Clipping.
[01:02:09] Speaker A: Just dap him up and then like.
[01:02:11] Speaker B: A headbutt with each other.
[01:02:15] Speaker A: It's amazing. We love the brochure.
[01:02:17] Speaker D: Valhalla awaits you.
[01:02:21] Speaker A: Amazing. Go ahead. And as you are investigating this table, dear Gilroy, I need you to roll.
[01:02:30] Speaker B: Awesome.
[01:02:31] Speaker A: I'm going to say 3D6 because you're not standing on anything.
[01:02:35] Speaker D: Okay, he's standing on business. That's important.
[01:02:39] Speaker A: You know what? I'll let you roll. 5d6 for standing on business. That's funny.
I gotta use my new ones.
[01:02:46] Speaker B: That's funny.
I got these ones and then I got tinier ones too.
[01:02:52] Speaker A: I love. You're saying these ones as if this is an. Nobody can see it.
[01:02:55] Speaker B: I have so many D6 on my desk.
[01:02:57] Speaker D: In your mind's eye, imagine one die and then imagine that same die, but smaller.
[01:03:02] Speaker B: Nobody knows who I am. I am known for the amount of dice that I have.
[01:03:07] Speaker A: I. You can't say nobody knows who I am and then say I'm known for the amount of dice that I have directly contradicts itself. I know.
[01:03:16] Speaker B: It says picture time.
[01:03:18] Speaker A: Did you roll all successes?
[01:03:20] Speaker B: I did.
[01:03:21] Speaker A: That's insane.
[01:03:25] Speaker B: Six, five. Five, four. Four.
[01:03:27] Speaker E: Whoa.
[01:03:28] Speaker A: All right. So those are all successes. Gilroy, apparently, my voice of God.
[01:03:33] Speaker B: I am listening to you. I am on the holy journey to find the spider ring.
[01:03:39] Speaker A: You're making me wish I could make my voice lower sound a lot more epic.
[01:03:43] Speaker B: I'm surrounded by these monstrous creatures dressed up in ritualistic outfits.
[01:03:49] Speaker A: Gilroy, you're surrounded by flesh bags covered in strange clothing.
[01:03:55] Speaker B: I have faced many horrors today as you.
[01:03:58] Speaker A: You have. You have the blood of a man on your hooves.
[01:04:04] Speaker B: Could be fake blood, we don't know.
[01:04:06] Speaker A: You have the blood of a man on your hooves. Okay, Whether it is real or fake, I will leave up to you. As you approach this table, you see a lot of yellow.
[01:04:17] Speaker B: Okay?
[01:04:17] Speaker A: Because as we established earlier, goats cannot see very many colors. And goats can't really see red. And unfortunately, orange very much falls in the red spectrum or on the red, er, side of things. So you see a very yellow, like one of those shitty party city plastic tablecloths is what you see right now. Are you going to make it so you can see above the table? Because I am pretty sure you cannot, as normal goat size.
[01:04:45] Speaker B: I think I am a man on a mission from God.
This is not about I am a man. Capital M. Thank you.
I don't think being secretive or quiet about this is the point anymore. I am grabbing that tablecloth with my teeth and I am ripping it down.
[01:05:13] Speaker A: Bad by Michael Jackson. Starts playing like ramps right up to the chorus as you pull it.
[01:05:21] Speaker B: That. That is what I shall do.
[01:05:23] Speaker D: Do the magic trick where you perfectly remove the tablecloth, but everything still stays on the table.
[01:05:27] Speaker B: I would cry. I feel like that's the lowest.
[01:05:30] Speaker D: That's the six. That's the fail. Yeah.
Is that you're perfectly good at it.
[01:05:34] Speaker B: But he's like, whoa, sick. And I'm like, no.
[01:05:37] Speaker A: All right. Are you actively trying to cause chaos right now? And A M. Are you trying to create a mess?
[01:05:43] Speaker B: I. I think that it doesn't matter to Gilroy. Me, yes. Gilroy, no.
[01:05:50] Speaker A: Okay. I am going to have Gilroy roll 2d6. If you fail, you are doing the crazy party trick.
[01:05:58] Speaker E: Good.
[01:05:58] Speaker A: Where everything stays perfectly on the table. If you succeed, that bitch is coming down.
[01:06:04] Speaker B: God is testing. Two and a three.
[01:06:07] Speaker A: Two and a three. Okay. So you yank off this tablecloth and everybody around you just kind of like, you know, like in anime magic. We're like. When the crowd. Something impressive happens. Everybody's like, oh. Kind of sound. Right? The crowd makes that sound.
[01:06:24] Speaker B: Gilroy starts crying as you go.
[01:06:28] Speaker A: A few people around you start applauding like, oh, my God. Holy shit.
[01:06:31] Speaker B: Sobbing.
[01:06:32] Speaker A: That guy just fucking. Whoa.
I will let you. If you want to like, put your little hide. Put your little front front paws. You're a goat. Front hooves on the table to take a gander. There's a lot less yellow in your vision now though.
[01:06:50] Speaker B: So I think it would be funnier to have the rest of the party come back and find me in a heap on the floor.
[01:07:03] Speaker A: It's an orange table cloth. It's just yellow to you guys.
So that happens. Party bag people goodie bags and get in the bag business deal.
Alright, so tell me again, McPhee. I keep changing this guy's voice because I forgot what I gave him the first time. I just know I made him drunk.
What is. What exactly is your proposal, guy?
[01:07:29] Speaker E: Look, you're running a party. It's a great time, but the music's loud, the talking is loud, the drinks are loud, the weed is loud. Everything's loud.
And.
And you just like. It's hard for people to hear you. So you carry around this microphone. And then when you need everybody to hear you, just make it happen.
[01:07:51] Speaker A: Man. You're pretty smart.
[01:07:53] Speaker E: Yeah, I know. I'm also pretty distracting for when my friends are trying to do stuff behind the scenes.
[01:07:58] Speaker A: Hint, hint.
Weird way to put it. But I. Good to know.
[01:08:03] Speaker E: Yep.
[01:08:04] Speaker A: He suspects nothing. I rolled a one release, said that.
[01:08:09] Speaker C: This is the most normal conversation.
[01:08:10] Speaker A: Yeah, like, you know, I'm gonna give you just kind of pats around his pants pockets until he pulls out, like, your credit card, business card. And you just like, oh, shit, that's fine. You need my business card. Why do you need my credit card? You're not.
[01:08:27] Speaker E: Because I need a bunch of funds to create this project.
[01:08:30] Speaker A: Yeah, but, like, normally how this goes, right. Is all right, you know, we'll get in touch, we'll talk, and then I'll give you money for stuff. Right, but we have to sign stuff, and it has to be all officials. He's going to give you a business card that looks like it was drawn in magic marker.
[01:08:48] Speaker E: Great.
[01:08:49] Speaker A: Like earlier that evening, it has all of the information on it.
[01:08:55] Speaker E: I'll lean so that he puts it in my suit jacket breast pocket because I don't have hands.
[01:09:00] Speaker A: He'll just, like, pop it in the little kerchief pocket. You don't have fingies?
[01:09:04] Speaker E: Yeah, I have no fingies.
[01:09:06] Speaker A: Why would you come down this way? Oh, right.
Goody bags, free buddies. How many do we need?
[01:09:13] Speaker E: Two, three, five?
[01:09:15] Speaker A: We have five.
[01:09:17] Speaker E: Well, hey, my buddy Leo Braun says all of them, so.
[01:09:20] Speaker A: Well, I can't give you all of them because I got a party full of guests, but I could give you five.
[01:09:26] Speaker E: Look, five is great. You know you got a high ball before you lowball, right?
[01:09:30] Speaker A: Yeah, I got you.
[01:09:32] Speaker E: Hey, we highball.
[01:09:33] Speaker A: I'm tracking with you. I could give you five, though. It looks like there's.
[01:09:37] Speaker E: Let's go.
[01:09:37] Speaker A: It looks like there's five of you right now, so.
[01:09:39] Speaker D: Yeah, just to doing a head count, we have McPheeds, we have Ignacio Gilroy, and then Jim, right?
[01:09:46] Speaker A: Yeah. There's five of you.
[01:09:48] Speaker D: Yeah. Okay, we're good.
[01:09:49] Speaker A: Yeah, it looks like there's five of you. So he's gonna. He's gonna like. There's like. He opens the door to what looks like a guest bedroom that is just. On every elevated surface of this room is just like boxes of goodie bags because there's so many people downstairs. And he's just gonna grab a box and he's gonna kind of look at it, and he's just like, yeah, looks like about five.
And he'll.
[01:10:13] Speaker E: Great, thanks, man.
[01:10:14] Speaker A: Pop it on one of your backs, I guess. Be like, yep, there you go.
If any of you look inside, there's about 15 goodie bags inside.
This man is past the point of being able to do math.
He's like, yeah, enjoy the party forever long you're here. And yeah, fuck it. Get in touch, I guess. Guy.
[01:10:39] Speaker E: Sweet. Sounds good.
[01:10:41] Speaker A: Peace.
[01:10:42] Speaker E: I'll just start pushing him with my head along the floor.
[01:10:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[01:10:47] Speaker C: You see Ignacio skitter across the floor while everyone's distracted and make toward the window that's in the bedroom, in that room with all the goodie bags and nudge it open gently. And then you see them start making a ramp of some of the goodie boxes and then pushing goodie boxes out the window.
[01:11:06] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[01:11:07] Speaker C: And into the. Into the outside.
[01:11:09] Speaker A: Real small. Real smallness for me. Real small. So 46. How many?
[01:11:14] Speaker C: That's two.
[01:11:15] Speaker A: 46. 46.
Six. Five.
[01:11:19] Speaker C: Two and six.
[01:11:22] Speaker A: Amazing. I rolled one success. So however many successes you just had, subtract one, that was three successes. Two successes.
[01:11:30] Speaker C: So two successes.
[01:11:31] Speaker A: I'm gonna say you get like three boxes out the window as everybody else is heading out. Are you going to just leave out the window or are you going to leave with them?
[01:11:41] Speaker C: Oh no, they're fully leaving out the window. They're going to do a general like finally stand up on their little back hooves because they're tiny. They're going to salute their other goat friends and then they're just going to fall back onto the awaiting pile of boxes and goodie bags below the window using their little solo cup body as cushion as well.
[01:11:58] Speaker F: It was wonderful serving with you.
[01:12:02] Speaker A: The other two of you, I am assuming you are making your way back downstairs to find your boy and Jim.
[01:12:11] Speaker D: But Gilroy and Jim, yeah.
[01:12:14] Speaker A: So McWelly's gonna part ways with you. He's done. He's done his thing. He gave you a business card with all the information on it and gotten you your goodie bags and you got more.
Are you looking for Jim or Gilroy first?
[01:12:29] Speaker D: Let's look for Gilroy first before we go for Jim.
[01:12:32] Speaker A: All right?
[01:12:32] Speaker E: Yep.
[01:12:33] Speaker A: I think. Who saw Gilroy go off? Or was it just Ignacio, which is really awkward if it's just Ignacio, I with. Oh, you did.
[01:12:44] Speaker B: So we butted heads before, you know, we said our heartfelt silent goodbye.
[01:12:50] Speaker D: I thought he was gonna die.
[01:12:52] Speaker C: Thought he was really leaving us.
[01:12:53] Speaker A: All right, so Leo, you take point on finding your boy.
[01:12:58] Speaker D: My boy, where are you?
Where are you? My boy?
[01:13:01] Speaker A: Did you respond, Gilroy?
[01:13:04] Speaker B: I wasn't strong enough.
Oh no.
[01:13:10] Speaker D: This yellow orb on the ground has covered you. What's happened? I start trying to Pull up the cloth that's covering over top.
[01:13:19] Speaker B: It's like stuck to my wiry fur with the leaves.
[01:13:21] Speaker A: Oh, no.
[01:13:22] Speaker B: So I'm just like trapped in it. I tried to get on the table.
[01:13:26] Speaker C: It's like the Velcro gets Velcro.
[01:13:29] Speaker B: The ring of spiders. It's up there. I know.
[01:13:34] Speaker D: He looks up at the table and then he's going to go up to the table and try and kick the legs out from the table so that it falls down to one side. And all the stuff will slide towards us, if possible.
[01:13:49] Speaker A: Yeah. So this is one of those shitty folding tables. So you'd have to kick the tape the leg in for that to happen.
Yeah. Roll 2d6 for me. Just for fun.
[01:14:01] Speaker D: Okay. That one fell. Let's take another one. Oh, no.
Five and a one.
[01:14:06] Speaker A: Five and a one. Amazing. You kick it. The first thing that falls off the table lands immediately on your head. It was going to fall either way. It just determined how many things were going to fall on you.
So the first thing that falls on your head is a plastic bowl of popcorn. Bowl flips over and just boop. Like little purple bowl of popcorn with little spiderweb decorations on the outside.
And then the rest of the stuff just slides. You do hear the sound of a heavy glass punch bowl just sliding its way down the table with everything else. What do you do? You can definitely hear it. It's not quiet.
[01:14:45] Speaker D: Gilroy, do spider rings sound sloshy and glassy?
[01:14:50] Speaker B: No.
[01:14:51] Speaker D: No. Okay, well, a big. Not that spider ring is coming at us. I'm gonna move us to the side.
[01:14:59] Speaker A: You do see all of this happening.
[01:15:01] Speaker E: I would like to attempt to chug the punch before.
[01:15:08] Speaker A: Yeah, go for it.
[01:15:09] Speaker E: I'm not being charming.
[01:15:11] Speaker A: You're not?
[01:15:12] Speaker E: Oh, wait. I have my inspiration one.
[01:15:13] Speaker A: You do. Use it.
[01:15:15] Speaker E: All right, I got a six, a four, and a three. Two successes.
[01:15:18] Speaker A: No successes on my chaos roll. So you fucking chug that.
I think you get most of it. You don't get quite all of it, but you get a good amount of it before that glass just.
You are pulling them out of the way. So, Matt and John, I'm going to have you both roll. Matt, I'm gonna have you roll two D6. Jon, I'm gonna have you roll two D6. So.
[01:15:43] Speaker D: A one and a two, a.
[01:15:45] Speaker B: Six and a one.
[01:15:45] Speaker A: Okay. One success. So I think you get clipped by the bowl. Like, I think the. I think the glass punch bowl kind of just like bonks into your little plastic helmet at this point.
Unless you've shaken the popcorn bowl off of your head.
[01:16:01] Speaker D: It was all a plan.
[01:16:03] Speaker A: Glass punch bowl does. You do hear like a little thunk as it goes by and just slides across the floor and makes a whole mess. It doesn't break. We don't have glass shards going everywhere. But we do have a big sticky mess on the floor now. But the three of you look around. There are little pieces of decorations. There's food everywhere. Everyone at the party is just kind of like yes. The table falls.
[01:16:28] Speaker B: We've gotten to the rambunctious.
[01:16:30] Speaker A: Oh no. They've been there.
They've been there. They cheered when Paul fucking got like. I had a goat launched at his head. They've been there.
[01:16:40] Speaker D: A goat orbital strike.
[01:16:44] Speaker A: So everybody around you just like. Yeah. All at once as the table falls and makes a mess. And everything's just like a disaster. Everyone is toshed, everyone is gone. But there's little pieces of decoration. There's food everywhere. There's punch everywhere. The ladle for the punch just kind of like slid off in another direction. But among these things. And I don't know if. I don't know if Gilroy's been too busy being a little bit of a sad goat right now. But sitting pretty in a puddle of punch surrounded by a healthy pile of popcorn is a small plastic orange spider ring. Yellow in your eyes, but orange, orange in your heart.
[01:17:32] Speaker B: Yellow doesn't exist for Gilroy it is just orange.
[01:17:35] Speaker A: He just doesn't know the word for yellow. So everything's orange.
[01:17:39] Speaker B: The prophecy, it is true. And he's gonna like reach over and with his little goat hoof is gonna just like push it onto his tiny little ankle wrist and it just like. You know, it just does the thing where. What?
[01:17:55] Speaker C: His gankles?
[01:17:58] Speaker D: His footrest. Ankle.
[01:18:00] Speaker A: His footrest.
[01:18:02] Speaker B: But he now just has this plastic tablecloth like stuck to him with the spider. He's ready. He's munched a hole through the tablecloth as well. So it's just like a ghost costume now covering the leaves.
[01:18:20] Speaker D: You're like a.
[01:18:20] Speaker B: Smells like punch.
[01:18:22] Speaker D: Like a. Like a goat. Ringwraith from Lord.
[01:18:28] Speaker A: Remind me, who has Jim's keys?
[01:18:31] Speaker D: I believe I do. Or one of us does. It was a joint effort.
[01:18:35] Speaker A: I'm assuming you guys want to go find your boy Jim before you leave.
[01:18:39] Speaker D: Yeah, we don't know how to drive. Unless.
[01:18:42] Speaker A: Unless you want to just walk to leave and just.
[01:18:44] Speaker D: Oh, I thought we could take the car. Yeah, but I would drive the limo.
[01:18:50] Speaker A: Kill it.
[01:18:51] Speaker D: Yeah, we could. Let's make sure if Jim is like passed out or something. We'll bring him in the back.
[01:18:55] Speaker B: He's not. He's not ready to drive.
[01:18:58] Speaker D: Let's. Let's find Jim and put him in the back and then we drive home.
[01:19:03] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:19:04] Speaker A: Somebody roll to, look for Jim.
[01:19:06] Speaker D: I roll to.
[01:19:06] Speaker B: Can we all roll? One D six.
[01:19:08] Speaker A: Sure.
[01:19:09] Speaker B: Sick.
[01:19:10] Speaker E: I got a six.
[01:19:11] Speaker A: Ooh, one success.
[01:19:11] Speaker D: I got a four.
[01:19:12] Speaker A: Two successes. I got a five, Three successes.
And Tempe. I'll let you roll one just for fun. We'll say Ignacio's just like peeking through a window.
[01:19:21] Speaker C: I got a five.
[01:19:22] Speaker D: Let's go.
[01:19:22] Speaker A: Four successes. Let's go. So as soon as you said you wanted to find Jim, I was just like, I know exactly where Jim is.
Jim is sitting in like a separate little kind of quiet, quieter, like a sunroom kind of situation, I guess it would be.
And Jim has at least four or five individuals. A couple ladies, a couple of gentlemen, a couple non binary people, a couple more people.
And he is just risen up the whole crowd right now. Jim is getting bitches. He is already, like, he's having the time of his life. He's got a bottle of something else. We'll say he's got. Oh, God, what's that one really cheap vodka that all the college students buy?
[01:20:12] Speaker B: Skull.
[01:20:13] Speaker A: Grey Goose or something like that?
[01:20:15] Speaker B: Oh, Grey Goose.
[01:20:16] Speaker A: Is that what it is? I don't know.
[01:20:17] Speaker B: I thought it was gold.
[01:20:19] Speaker C: Isn't the cheap one? It's.
[01:20:20] Speaker D: There's. There's. Tito's. I don't know.
[01:20:22] Speaker A: Tito's. Tito's is good.
[01:20:24] Speaker D: Tito's is good.
[01:20:24] Speaker B: I love Tito's. New Amsterdam. No, that's not a. That's not cheap either.
[01:20:29] Speaker A: No, some cheap bottle of vodka. We're just gonna say, folks at home.
[01:20:32] Speaker D: Look up the cheapest amount of vodka you have and picture that.
[01:20:35] Speaker E: And then when you go buy some, tell them spells and whistles sent.
[01:20:38] Speaker A: Yeah, whatever. That one cheap bottle of vodka that every. Everybody has. I did not drink in college. I don't drink as a fully grown adult. There we go.
[01:20:47] Speaker C: It's Stoli vodka.
[01:20:48] Speaker A: It's.
[01:20:49] Speaker C: It's Stoli. It's the plastic bottle with like the really, like, it looks like a cigarette brand almost wrap around.
[01:20:55] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[01:20:55] Speaker C: It's like less than $5 a bottle.
[01:20:57] Speaker A: So he got. He got about. He got a bottle of Stoli, right? Because I, you know, everybody's got different taste. Some people really like the cheaper booze. So they got everything, right? Wealthy party. They can afford to buy a little bit of everything. So he got bottlestoli. He's chilling, right? Everybody's taking shots. He is like. He's got, like, an arm around one person on each side of him. And he sees you guys walking and he's just like, oh, hey, what's up?
[01:21:26] Speaker E: Hey. We're just getting ready to go home.
[01:21:28] Speaker A: Oh, you're getting ready to go home. I remember what his voice was.
You getting ready to go? I still don't really know where my keys were. As you can see, I'm very hard at work looking for them at the moment.
[01:21:41] Speaker D: I think. I think they fell under one of the seats. If you could reach. You have longer arms than we do.
[01:21:47] Speaker A: Oh, shit.
[01:21:47] Speaker E: Right?
[01:21:47] Speaker D: Just get in the back of the car, the limo, and then we can. We'll find him.
[01:21:51] Speaker A: Well, he'll look around. He's just going to go, ladies, they can come.
[01:21:54] Speaker D: They can come.
[01:21:55] Speaker A: To gentlemen and friends. Oh, shit. They can come. Fuck it.
[01:21:58] Speaker D: It's. I mean, it's your car.
[01:21:59] Speaker A: So who wants a ride in a limo? And a bunch of people are like, yeah, they all, like, kind of pile out of the room. Ignacio, you see this from outside. You see, you see gym exit with a bunch of individuals and I'm assuming your party, your. Your. Your friends trailing behind.
Jim's gonna run around in the front seat looking for his keys.
[01:22:27] Speaker B: That.
[01:22:27] Speaker C: I don't know.
[01:22:28] Speaker D: I don't know. I don't think it's in the front seat. Maybe check in the back. Check in the. Go through the partition.
[01:22:33] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah.
[01:22:34] Speaker C: Ignacio's been, like, slowly putting boxes in the back as well, while everyone's been doing this. Like, all the three stolen boxes of goodie bags.
[01:22:40] Speaker A: Yeah, he's just. It's just there.
Jim's got no clue. You could probably just put them in the back, like, area with you and Jim wouldn't know any better.
[01:22:49] Speaker D: I'm going to chew on the key fob. I'm going to chew it twice so it does the automatic start with the key fob and go. Nab it and just be like, got it. And then we can hit it.
[01:22:59] Speaker B: Gilroy's going to hop on the trunk to slam it closed and then hop on the top as it's peeling out.
[01:23:05] Speaker A: Are you going to party, girl it up and stand on the top again?
[01:23:09] Speaker B: Are we up there together?
[01:23:10] Speaker A: Amazing.
[01:23:10] Speaker D: Let's do it.
[01:23:10] Speaker B: Leo, are you going to.
[01:23:11] Speaker D: Yeah, I can either stand on top of the car or stand on top of the gas pedal.
[01:23:17] Speaker B: Oh, wait. Yeah, yeah. There's McPheet driving.
[01:23:21] Speaker E: McFeet, I'll drive. You hit the gas. Yeah, we gotta get these Bags out of here.
[01:23:26] Speaker A: Y'all peel off. Just like.
[01:23:29] Speaker D: We really don't even need that much acceleration because we're at the top of a hill. So, yeah, true gravity will do the rest of that.
[01:23:35] Speaker A: Y'all hit the gas. So here's what's going to happen. Y'all hit the gas, right? Remember, you're on a hill and then fucking like there's a little Acme, kind of like a. Oh. All the way down the hill.
Blasted. Not lifting, blasting music.
[01:23:50] Speaker D: Just so we put our hooves up, we're playing our song. Spider rings fly away.
[01:23:56] Speaker E: Yeah.
[01:23:56] Speaker A: Party music going. All of the humans are drunk, but you have successfully partied. Congratulations. You crashed the party. You partied. You got your goodie bags.
[01:24:07] Speaker C: Hell yeah.
[01:24:07] Speaker A: And you are heading home to your farm. To your farm. To your farm. To your farm. Right. And you are heading home to your farm to enjoy your goody bags.
[01:24:17] Speaker B: I imagine it's just at the bottom of the hill.
[01:24:19] Speaker A: Yeah, it is.
[01:24:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:24:22] Speaker A: There's like a little bend and then there's like a little. There's the pasture and all of the open space from the farm. You're literally like around the corner from this party.
But that's going to bring us to the end of our goat crashers adventures. Thank you so, so much for playing. This was honestly the goofiest two hours of recording.
[01:24:43] Speaker B: This was beautiful.
[01:24:44] Speaker C: It was wonderful. I loved every second.
[01:24:46] Speaker A: I didn't say that was a bad thing. Jonathan.
I'm going to have all of you, I'm going to have each of you tell us where can we find you on the interwebs and say your names again as I take out my glasses.
[01:25:02] Speaker C: Have ass. You can find me Tempe Vixen who played Ignacio on Tempe Vixen across all platforms. Instagram, TikTok, Twitter. Well, X Threads and Twitch.
[01:25:15] Speaker A: Nah, we deadname Twitter here.
[01:25:18] Speaker D: We'll go in the order from before. I am Matt and you can find me online at Dinkles or at
[email protected] where we're making a tabletop game from the ground up. It happens to be Pokemon themed, but legally, distinctly different.
And other places just inkels. I sometimes make music if I remember to post.
[01:25:42] Speaker B: My name is John. You can find me at D and D monetized on every platform. I post D and D content and tabletop RPG content. Yeah, love having the same handle.
[01:25:54] Speaker E: I'm Ben. You can find me at Ben's Corner.
[01:25:57] Speaker A: Underscore on Twitter and on Spells and Whistles and on the main podcast and.
[01:26:01] Speaker E: On Spells and Whistles, you know, and.
[01:26:05] Speaker A: On your other podcast that on here.
[01:26:08] Speaker E: Yeah.
[01:26:08] Speaker A: And here.
[01:26:09] Speaker B: You can find me right here.
[01:26:11] Speaker E: I've been here the whole time.
[01:26:13] Speaker A: I'm here the whole time. And last but not least, I am Grace. I have been your goat master. You can find me under Ghost like G Everywhere. And you will also be able to find myself, Tempi and matt@pax unplugged if you are going to be attending this year, because it will be out well before PAX Unplugged.
[01:26:30] Speaker D: I'm giving a thumbs up.
[01:26:31] Speaker A: Listen to Spells and Whistles. Follow everybody on social media. They are wonderful and amazing and just very funny and lovely people. They would not be here if I did not think that.
And Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween.
Sa.
