Our God is Dead: Part Two, ...There's a Whey

[00:00:12] Speaker A: Hey everyone. Welcome back to spells and whistles mini series. Mayhem plays. Our God is dead. We were so into this that we didn't take a break. So I'm doing an intro here by myself. I'm Ben. I'm still with Meg and rachemen. Check out their socials down in the description as well as a link to the game itself. Our God is dead. I hope you enjoy. Okay, the next part of the game is we've made our plans to convince everybody that God is still alive and everything is cool. To keep the cat in the bag as the turn of phrase goes. And the next part of the game is determining outcomes. So all three of us, we're going to roll our d six. And this d six is going to determine our starting point. And the game wants. The game says when it's our turn to execute our part of the plan. And we can ping pong off of each other and we can all have different parts of a single plan or have our own plan and just kind of follow a track. Or people can jump in and out of whatever we want to do. We roll our d six again. If the roll on our d six is greater than the result of the previous roll, you succeed on doing the thing. If your roll is less than your previous roll, we work together to describe how that section of the plan goes awry. If you roll a one, quote, this means you really botched it. And if you roll a one, the thing that you were doing for the one has to affect other people's stuff too. Or just one other person's thing as well. We can also try to cover for other people's mistakes. So, for example, my starting off role is a three. And for instance, if I rolled a two, that's under my baseline, that could mean that rach, aka old man ying, could try to cover for me. When you try to cover for a mistake, you roll your die and see if you can beat their number. If you succeed, you salvage the situation. We describe it, but it's success at a cost. If you fail, nobody else can try to help. And covering also comes with a cost because that probably means that you're not doing what you were supposed to do, or that the timeline is off, or we'll get to that part. But now we're gonna claim rolling our dice for parts of the plan and seeing what fucking chaos ensues. Because it's so easy to fail and so easy to succeed. Alright, does anybody want to go first in our parts of the plan? [00:03:30] Speaker B: I think we should roll for it. [00:03:32] Speaker C: A roll to see who rolls first? [00:03:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:35] Speaker C: I got a two. [00:03:37] Speaker B: I got three that's cocked. I'm using a round die. I'm gonna do a different one. That's a four. [00:03:47] Speaker C: Okay. [00:03:47] Speaker A: All right. You're first. [00:03:48] Speaker B: Oh, boy. All right. Yeah, I think he's. Gosh. Where. Where. Where would I start? Where would I start to figure out. [00:04:01] Speaker A: Where would old man Yang start? [00:04:03] Speaker B: I mean, I'm not. He's definitely talking to himself, walking down the road like, I'm not God. I'm not the one who does the whole miracles thing. I just, uh. How. Where would I. Well, I guess I'll start in the fields to find some flowers, if there's any left. Because. Because they all turn to cows, usually. Yeah. And he probably walks towards the nearest field. Or unless he runs into a flower patch in town before he finds the field to try to get that flower prerequisite. [00:04:47] Speaker A: Awesome. Roll for flower. [00:04:49] Speaker B: Roll for flower. Alrighty. Two. [00:04:55] Speaker A: Right. So that means. Because that's below your four. That means that you don't succeed in getting a flower or the right flower. How does this turn out? [00:05:06] Speaker B: I think it goes to every. Every patch of dirt, grass, anything that is in the town radius of just to find, let's say, the right flower is like a lily of the valley. There's none. There is absolutely zero anywhere. [00:05:34] Speaker C: What if that man's goat ate them all as part of the omen? [00:05:38] Speaker A: Oh, no. You just see a goat just munching on the last lily of the valley. And the flower, like the head of the flower, just goes into its mouth as you get close to it. [00:05:51] Speaker B: Now. Now you see here. Go. You see here. I have never seen something so ridiculous in my life. Where you eat one of the most sacred flowers we have here in town and you just decide to chomp on it like there's nothing wrong and that you're not. You're not doing anything wrong. You are actively sinning, blaspheming in our sacred town. Now he's like getting really close up, about to, like, hold onto his horns kind of deal. And like, I'm gonna have a word with your father because your behavior is absolutely horrific and I ought to cook you up. [00:06:57] Speaker A: It burps. [00:06:59] Speaker B: How dare you spit my face. I am a very highly appointed official of this town. I have a tree in my house. I'm going to talk to your father, and we're gonna see where you are tonight. On a platter or in this field. Anyways, I think he definitely walks up to the guy who owns this goat. Oh, sir, um, I'm not sure if you are aware, but your goat has done one of the most horrible things I have ever seen. He has eaten the last lily of the valley in town. [00:08:01] Speaker A: Well, that sucks for you, sir, but, uh, unfortunately for you, I go to the other church. So I've actually been encouraging this goat to eat all your lilies of the valley. His belly is so chock full of them. [00:08:14] Speaker B: I'm sorry, what did you just say? [00:08:18] Speaker A: I said, my goat. I have been teaching, educating on the nutritional benefits of these here flowers. Well, they were right there. You can see the little stems of them. Lilies of the valley. I know they're holy to you, but my God hates your goddess. And so I encouraged all my goats to eat all of your flowers. So there. [00:08:44] Speaker B: What's so special to your God? What is the most secret thing? My. I learned to educate myself on everything around, and I just want. Well, what? So what's very special to your goddess? [00:09:03] Speaker A: Well, as you know, every Wednesday night at midnight, we. We kill a goat and cook it over a fire. [00:09:13] Speaker B: Oh, and I see this is Saturday. Yes. All right. [00:09:17] Speaker A: Yep. [00:09:18] Speaker B: Now, what would happen if, by any chance, your God decides that maybe he's going to be unhappy a little bit and let's say your goat is gone? What would. [00:09:39] Speaker A: What. [00:09:39] Speaker B: What would that mean for you? [00:09:41] Speaker A: Well, that'd be very unfortunate. But anything's better than milk, so suck it. [00:09:50] Speaker C: Goats make milk, too? [00:09:52] Speaker A: Yeah, we don't milk our goats. [00:09:55] Speaker B: One of these days, you're gonna wake up and you're going to go make breakfast as per usual, make the rounds about town. [00:10:08] Speaker A: Yep. My goat jerky. [00:10:10] Speaker B: You're gonna come back home, and everything will seem fine as usual. But you'll know somewhere in your hearts, everything feels like you have been transported to the depths of purgatory, living your life the same every day. Because you have, unbeknownst to everyone else, and because for some sort of reason, because you trained that goat to hate other religions. And one day, you're gonna walk out of your house and you're gonna go walk down the road, not sure why. Your body is bringing you over to a lake where in the middle of that lake, a cherry tree is growing for no reason, for no reason whatsoever. And you are compelled to go swim to that tree and hang your goat by that tree. Wow. And sleep there for all of eternity. [00:11:23] Speaker A: Well, that sounds very ominous, sir. Unfortunately for you, them spitin words. We do not sleep under trees that have goats hanging from in our church. So I'm just gonna go gather all my friends, and we're gonna protest a little potluck event that you're having later today at your gross milk church. [00:11:42] Speaker B: All righty. Well, then, them fine words, as you have said, so during this whole conversation. [00:11:50] Speaker A: We both exchanged fat words. [00:11:53] Speaker B: During this whole conversation, he has slowly gotten closer to this man and then further from this man so that he's right next to the goat. [00:12:03] Speaker A: Yep. Yep. We both exchanged equally worthy of fighting words. [00:12:08] Speaker B: Correct. And just a reminder, this is Saturday. Correct? [00:12:13] Speaker A: Yep. It's Saturday. They have your weird little milk potluck church thing. [00:12:20] Speaker B: And I'm gonna pick up that goat and to run away. [00:12:27] Speaker A: Awesome. So now you're gonna roll for goat. And you rolled. You rolled. You started at a four, and you rolled a two. Is that right? [00:12:36] Speaker B: Yes. [00:12:37] Speaker A: So now you got to beat it to wonderful. [00:12:42] Speaker B: I got a three. Boom. [00:12:45] Speaker A: That's a win. [00:12:46] Speaker B: Amazing. This little old man is running down with the sandals, down, down some road, trying to find the right place for him to. He's got. He's going for the church. He's going for sanctuary at the church. Goes through the door, slams it. Miss Sylvia. [00:13:07] Speaker C: Oh, welcome back, old man ying. [00:13:10] Speaker B: We need to kill the scout. [00:13:12] Speaker D: Oh, my goodness gracious. What about the flowers? What happened to, oh, dear? [00:13:16] Speaker B: Um, we can find the flowers inside of him. [00:13:20] Speaker D: Oh, my. [00:13:25] Speaker A: Want to roll for getting flowers out of the surgery? Goat surgery. Gotta roll higher than a three. [00:13:34] Speaker D: We've got some castor oil. We can just feed it. Maybe it'll throw him up. [00:13:40] Speaker B: That's not satisfied enough for me. [00:13:45] Speaker D: Okay, um. [00:13:47] Speaker C: Okay. [00:13:50] Speaker B: That is a four. [00:13:52] Speaker A: Let's go. Perfect. [00:13:54] Speaker B: I am getting the bare minimum, as you should. Just a clarification and or reminder. What happens if you meet a. [00:14:06] Speaker A: The, uh, I think you have to roll better. [00:14:10] Speaker B: Okay, I'm just. I'm. I'm getting by. I'm getting by. Alrighty. Um, I definitely go butcher the scouts. This is now my planned meal for to bring to the potluck. It's kebab. [00:14:28] Speaker A: Oh, delicious. [00:14:29] Speaker B: And, um, I'd say the. The flower that the goat just ate is mostly intact. It's just very bruised by how much it's been chomped on. Like, this is gonna have to be good enough. They're gonna be so far away. There's gonna be so far away, they won't even know. We'll put a backdrop on it and prop it up with some wires, and we'll be fine. [00:14:58] Speaker D: Oh, that's a brilliant idea. Absolutely incredible. Yes. Okay, great. [00:15:05] Speaker B: All right, we got that flour. I'm gonna go cook some kebabs. [00:15:12] Speaker A: All right, Roford for kebabs. [00:15:16] Speaker B: We're just. This is it. This is the game. This is the game. [00:15:20] Speaker A: Yeah. This is the game. [00:15:23] Speaker B: Kebabs. I wrote three. [00:15:28] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:15:31] Speaker B: Um, the kebabs don't go well at all. I don't know how. Oh, Miss Sylvia. I don't know how to cook goat. Everything's burned. I don't know. [00:15:46] Speaker C: What can I try and cover for? [00:15:51] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:15:53] Speaker C: So I need to roll above a four. Is that correct or above a three? [00:15:57] Speaker A: Okay, so you gotta beat a three. [00:15:58] Speaker C: A three. Okay, I got a two. So. [00:16:03] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:16:04] Speaker C: Sylvia, I think she tries to, like, fan out the fire that you've been using to cook it, and I think instead, she fans the fire right into the decorations and the tablecloths for the potluck, the little, like, they're like, the plastic cheap stuff that you find at, like, dollar tree or whatever, and they just start, like, shrinking and bubbling and, like, oh. [00:16:26] Speaker A: Oh, no. Oh, no. [00:16:29] Speaker B: The tablecloths for potluck. Oh, my. I don't have anything. All we have is used milk around. [00:16:38] Speaker C: I think Sylvia's gonna grab one of the buckets of milk and try and use that to put out the fire. [00:16:46] Speaker A: Okay. Roll for putting out fire with milk. [00:16:50] Speaker C: I have to beat a two. Okay, I got a five. It was almost a one. [00:16:56] Speaker A: That's terrifying. [00:16:59] Speaker C: Sploosh. [00:17:01] Speaker B: Well, you know, the smell is something we have gotten used to over the years. It's gonna be fire. It's just a part. It's just a new part of today's festival. Smelling like milk. [00:17:21] Speaker D: In lieu of, like, the baptisms, we've baptized the church. Right. It's a sanctuary now. It's a safe, holy place for us to be. [00:17:30] Speaker B: This certainly is a safe and holy place. Wonderful. Well, thank you for helping me with the kababs. I have now my things for the. [00:17:41] Speaker D: Potluck, and we have that lily of the valley. I was thinking in terms of how we want to replace it with the cow. If we could have little crimby on standby to unplug or to hit the breaker box or something, we can have the lights go out, and you and I can quickly run in and take the flower and move that cow from the field in, and hopefully, by the time someone realizes what's going on, we will have made that replacement just fine. [00:18:11] Speaker B: I think that's a wonderful idea. I think we can, with our. Pardon me if I burped. I think we can certainly go ahead and have our joint strength go and do that. We are very stealthy we are very. We have the grace of God on our sides. We'll be fine. Unless we aren't. [00:18:37] Speaker C: Words to live by. [00:18:39] Speaker B: Oh, gosh. [00:18:40] Speaker A: He is running down the street, and he is going to the store to get chips for the new chip baptism to dip into his gross animal washing milk. And I started off with a three. Sorry, I have to beat a three to roll for getting chips at the store. I rolled a one. [00:19:06] Speaker C: No. [00:19:08] Speaker A: Cribby runs into the store carrying a kitten with molasses on its forehead and runs over the chip aisle and just grabs some chips and tries to run out and leave without paying money. He's a little orphan boy. [00:19:22] Speaker B: Hey, hey. You gotta pay for that. You gotta come back here. You gotta pay for that. [00:19:26] Speaker A: What do you mean? He walks back in with the chips. What do you mean I gotta pay for that? What does that mean? [00:19:30] Speaker B: Nothing comes free. Nothing comes free. You gotta pay for that. [00:19:35] Speaker A: With what? [00:19:36] Speaker B: Well, do you have money, honey? [00:19:39] Speaker A: No, I don't have money. I'm an orphan who lives in a chicken. [00:19:43] Speaker B: Well, then you. Well, then you can't. You can't grab those chips. I'm sorry. [00:19:47] Speaker A: What if I tell you it's for milk church? [00:19:53] Speaker B: You're telling me that milk church needs chips today? Yeah, we're doing potluck. [00:19:59] Speaker A: We're doing baptisms. [00:20:01] Speaker B: Just. What? [00:20:02] Speaker A: It's not for the. It's not for the potluck part. It's for the baptism part. [00:20:05] Speaker B: It's for the baptisms. It just has nothing to do with the baptism. [00:20:11] Speaker A: Yeah, it does. Old man Yang said that when you baptize somebody, you dip them in whatever liquid is important for your church. And I heard dip. And I know that when you have dip, you put a chip in it. So I was gonna take the milk and dip a chip in it, and then that's baptism. [00:20:31] Speaker B: You eat it. I'm not gonna question anything. Part of your imagination, kid. But produce is produce, and you need money. In order to buy this, you need three silver runes. In order to buy this, I need. [00:20:48] Speaker A: Three whole silver runes. [00:20:50] Speaker B: Three whole silver runes. If you don't have that, then yanks it out of his hands. [00:20:55] Speaker A: Dang it. [00:20:56] Speaker B: Sorry. [00:20:58] Speaker A: All right. I guess I'll have to go find a job. [00:21:05] Speaker B: Joining the workforce. [00:21:10] Speaker C: Roll for child labor laws. [00:21:14] Speaker A: I got a five for joining the workforce. [00:21:17] Speaker B: That's more than a one. [00:21:21] Speaker A: I think the way that this goes really wrong. First of all, I can't buy anything at the store anymore. They put me on, like, a watch list of, like, don't let this kid in the store. He's an orphan. [00:21:32] Speaker B: Have you seen this child? [00:21:34] Speaker A: Yeah. And also I have to spend, like, the whole rest of the day before the ceremony getting three silver runes to buy these chips. So I can't. I don't think I can help with anything else. [00:21:47] Speaker C: What kind of job is crimby looking for? [00:21:53] Speaker A: He is. He's. He's getting anything. He's, like, running around being like, hey, can I do anything to get any amount of money for you? I don't know. Like, running around doing odd jobs, you know, mowing lawn. Mowing lawn. Yeah. He goes and mows a lawn. I think he comes back with two silver runes and, like, five copper runes. And it's like, this is how much I have. [00:22:25] Speaker B: Okay. Two silver runes and five copper runes. So that's not gonna get you the bag of chips that what originally grabbed. But what I can get you is buy some, like, pulls out some store brand, like, gosh, jalapeno sun chips. [00:22:55] Speaker A: Oh, okay. I mean, those are. Those are chips that works really well. [00:23:00] Speaker C: Because if it's too spicy, the milk will balance. [00:23:03] Speaker A: The milk will balance it out. Little crimpy does not know that, but. [00:23:10] Speaker B: All right, well, then I'll just cash. [00:23:12] Speaker A: All right. Here's your. Here's your runes. [00:23:15] Speaker B: Thank you. Luckily, you don't get sales tax here, so that should be fine. [00:23:21] Speaker A: Okay. Sweet. [00:23:22] Speaker B: Alrighty. [00:23:23] Speaker A: What's sales tax? [00:23:25] Speaker B: Get out of my store. [00:23:29] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. We're gonna be so late for the ceremony in potluck. Combo event. And he grabs the Halloween or sunships, please sponsor sunships. And he runs a. Runs all the way back to the church. Probably gonna be late. Cause he didn't have time. He didn't have time to go get the cow, and he totally forgot. [00:23:50] Speaker C: Okay. That's okay. I have a plan. [00:23:55] Speaker A: Okay. [00:23:56] Speaker C: I think little crimpy shows up with the chips right as the, like, reenactment is about to start. And the little, you know, whatever. I think Sylvia's gathered old man ying and crimby, and she's gonna say, okay. [00:24:11] Speaker D: So we've got that lily of the valley crimby. We'll hit the breaker box right when it's supposed to happen, and then we'll drag out that cow. Is it just in the backyard of the church or where. Where will I go and grab that? [00:24:28] Speaker A: I had the chimney sweep and molans and milk other people's cows for, like, 4 hours. I didn't have time. I had to get two silver runes and five copper wounds to get these chips for the baptism. [00:24:42] Speaker D: Okay. Um. Okay. That should be just fine. Um, miss. Mister Ying. Um, when you butchered that goat, did you happen to keep its hide? [00:24:53] Speaker B: Oh, yes. It was the first thing to, uh, go, but, yeah, I mean, I haven't thrown anything out. It should be over there next to some buckets or something. [00:25:07] Speaker D: Wonderful. Fun fact, I was president of the sewing club back when I was in school, so if you'll just excuse me, I'm gonna go, and I'll be right back. [00:25:21] Speaker C: And she is going to take the thing. Her goal here is to try and sew, like, a little costume, like, a little goat costume. It'll just be a small cow, but she's gonna try, like, turn it into, like, a jacket that maybe, like, scrawny little crimby can wear and pretend to be the cow. [00:25:44] Speaker A: I love it. Roll for goat. [00:25:46] Speaker C: Okay. Am I trying to be five, or am I trying. [00:25:49] Speaker A: You're trying to be your initial role. [00:25:51] Speaker C: I think it was a two. I don't remember. [00:25:54] Speaker A: Satisfying to be. [00:25:56] Speaker D: Okay. [00:25:57] Speaker C: I got a five, so that's really good. [00:25:58] Speaker A: Great. [00:26:00] Speaker C: It is quite small. There's not a whole lot of seam allowance, but, you know, maybe it's a calf, you know? And I think she's gone with, like, extra, like, fabric scraps and sewed on some, like, spots to make it look more like a cow. And just turned this, like, goat pelt into a little, like, jacket for little Crimby. I think she'll kind of call him back and help him put on the jacket. And it's got, like, a little hood, and it's got little, like, paper cups that have been, like, squeezed on the end into, like, little, like, ears, you know? [00:26:37] Speaker D: Okay, little crimby, you're gonna have to be our cow. I need you to make your best cow. Moo that you can. [00:26:44] Speaker A: Okay, I'm gonna roll for cow. Move. [00:26:46] Speaker C: Okay. [00:26:47] Speaker A: We're gonna beat a five. [00:26:48] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:26:49] Speaker A: I rolled a six. [00:26:50] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. [00:26:55] Speaker D: Oh, my goodness. It was just, like, a cow. Wonderful. Thank you so much. Okay. Wonderful. Okay, I think people are starting to get into their seats, so what will happen is I'll come and I'll grab the lily of the valley. You'll come out, I'll have old man Yang hit the breaker box, and everything will go so perfectly smooth. [00:27:15] Speaker C: I say this knowing that there is no. There's no way that this can go perfectly smooth, because we need to beat a six. [00:27:20] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay, well, I need to beat a six. [00:27:25] Speaker C: You need to beat a six. [00:27:26] Speaker D: We all have. [00:27:27] Speaker A: You need to beat a five. [00:27:28] Speaker C: I need to beat a five. We all have our own parts of the plan here. Okay. [00:27:31] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:32] Speaker C: I think that after checking in with ying, Sylvia's gonna kind of go. She'll, like, tap on the little microphone. [00:27:39] Speaker D: And she's gonna say, welcome, everybody, to today's ceremony of the flowering cow. It's so wonderful to have you all here for this, you know, this wonderful occasion. Just as far as the events of today, we'll be starting with the reenactment of that wonderful miracle that happened a century ago, where our God transformed a lily of the valley into a cow is truly incredible. And I just know that there'll be a watching and filled with pride as we remember this wondrous occasion today. After that, we will be having the potluck. [00:28:22] Speaker C: She'll kind of gesture over to the slightly charred tablecloths that are dripping with milk a little bit still. So slightly. [00:28:29] Speaker D: So, please, I hope you've come hungry. And then finally, we'll be having a special additional ceremony, fresh from the leaders of the church. Old man Yang will tell us more about that when we get there. So without any further ado, here goes the presentation. [00:28:50] Speaker C: And she will kind of step back. I don't know if this is just the family and the church that I was raised in, but we always have the kids do the nativity thing. So I imagine there's a bunch of little toddlers up to eight or nine years old, reenacting this miracle of someone turning into a cow or someone turning a flower into a cow. And I think the whole time, Sylvia's hands digging into her thighs, ready to go out and snatch that lily of the valley off the stage and just checking that everyone is in place. [00:29:30] Speaker A: Awesome role for organizing the children's performance. [00:29:36] Speaker C: Okay, that's one. [00:29:39] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:29:41] Speaker C: Oh, no. You know what I think happens? I think that with the one, I think that, like, one of the kids that's playing the God is throwing a tantrum and gets into a fight with one of the other kids, and the other kid, like, shoves them, and the kid has a soccer reaction where they're fine, but they're like, you killed me. You killed me. [00:30:06] Speaker B: I'm dying. [00:30:07] Speaker C: I'm dead. Rolling all over the stage. And I think Sylvia is, like, white as a sheet. Like, just, like, like, you know, like, hyperventilating, totally freaking out, like, by the. [00:30:20] Speaker B: Breaker box, old man Ying sees this, and that's an omen. [00:30:27] Speaker A: Also through the front door. The front doors have left. Been left open to welcome everybody into milk God's church. There's some people outside from goat church, who have made signs, and they go, their God's dead. Their child performing as their God is dead. That's an omen. You know why? Cause old man ying stole our goat. Blaspheme. And they just, like, start making fun of the performance in the middle of it and start protesting outside. [00:31:06] Speaker B: No. [00:31:09] Speaker C: I think the only thing that we can do right now is to perform our miracle to try and turn this around. [00:31:18] Speaker A: All right. I think that means it's time for rage to roll for break or flip. [00:31:22] Speaker B: Okay. I don't remember which number I'm trying to beat. [00:31:28] Speaker A: Whatever your d six is on right now. [00:31:31] Speaker B: Three. Okay. [00:31:33] Speaker A: Okay. Gotta beat a three. [00:31:37] Speaker B: I got a one. [00:31:39] Speaker A: Oh, no. All right. Uh oh. [00:31:44] Speaker B: Distracted by the obvious omen that is children fighting, I think he tries to pull it down after a very long delay, and then I. She tries to pull it down, doesn't have enough strength. Tries to pull it down with both arms. Doesn't have enough strength. Like, jumps up and tries to push down, and it breaks midway. [00:32:18] Speaker A: I'm gonna try to cover for you. Little crimpy is backstage because he can't come out yet until it's time for him to swap. He notices you having trouble. He goes and grabs his bucket of milk, and he's gonna use that as extra weight and, like, attach the handle to the breaker switch and try to use that as more leverage to try to get it all the way off. He only has to beat a one, so he's probably almost certainly gonna succeed. [00:32:45] Speaker C: But knock on wood. [00:32:46] Speaker A: Okay, I got a five. Okay. And so he takes the buck and goes, all right, old man, you got it. Halfway. I'm gonna finish the job. And he takes his bucket of milk and says, milk God powers give me strength. And he pulls down on the lever with the added weight of the bucket full of gross, animal washed milk and pulls it down. When you cover for someone, I have to describe how I make trouble for myself in the process. So I spill a bunch of milk on me because I tip the bucket, and so there's milk all over my goat flesh costume. [00:33:26] Speaker C: Ew. [00:33:27] Speaker A: And then I have to leave it, and I have to run out on stage. So now I gotta beat a five to, like, run out on stage without anything going wrong. I got a three. So I run out on stage, and I trip and fall, and it just, like, face plant. It's in the dark, which is totally fine, but then I stand up, and I pose in, like, the most, like, cow like pose I can think of, like, down on all fours, and I have to hold the pose until old man ying turns the lights back on. [00:34:06] Speaker C: I need to roll to take the lily of the valley offstage without anybody. [00:34:11] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:34:12] Speaker C: So I have to beat a one. So it's pretty good odds. Okay. I rolled a four, so I'm able to quickly run out, I think, like, pushing past a couple of kids here and there, like, okay, excuse me, little Annie. [00:34:23] Speaker D: Okay. [00:34:24] Speaker C: And I just, like, snatches the lily of the valley. It's all, like, soggy and slimy and, like, half digested still. And, like, takes it and runs off stage. [00:34:37] Speaker B: Alrighty. I'm trying with all my old man strength to beat this one. That's another one. [00:34:47] Speaker D: Oh, no. [00:34:48] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:34:51] Speaker B: Old man strength, not good. He's just trying to push up. But remember, the handle is broken. And the young man was the one who pulled the down with the pail and everything. Old man strength. I think at one point she's like, help. Help. I'm not strong enough for this. I'm in the dark, and I'm trying to, but I'm trying to dun. I'll make it light again. Help. I can't do it. Someone help a poor old man. [00:35:28] Speaker C: Please, can I try and cover for old minyang? [00:35:32] Speaker A: Yes, please. [00:35:35] Speaker C: Sylvia's, like, puts her crocs in sports mode kind of vibes. And, like, she's got this, like, nasty lily of the valley and is, like, sprinting through the dark toward the breaker box. I've rolled a one, two. [00:35:48] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [00:35:51] Speaker C: And she's like, I think as she's running, she slips on the pile of milk from the bucket and just face plants, like, smears a little bit on the ground. [00:36:02] Speaker A: Oh, no. [00:36:04] Speaker C: And I think that, like, the crowd in the, you know, just outside the church are all like, ha ha ha. Like, pointing and laughing, and Sylvia's, like, drenched in milk. And it is just not a good situation. [00:36:24] Speaker A: So the lights just aren't gonna come back on. The breaker is fully broken at this point because of three ones in a row. Oh, my goodness. And outside the goat church, people start chanting, hey, ho, goats all know milk church has gotta go. Hey, ho, goats all know milk church has gotta go. And the conquer the milk church congregation is starting to get really, really unsettled. And I'm gonna roll for the milk church congregation. They're gonna, like, try to take their phones out and use, like, the phone flashlights and, like, light the candles that are around, like, the church space to, like, get some light back so that the show could go on. And I got a five over my last three. So they pull out their phones there. They're like, all right. The guy who had muffin washed earlier is like, all right, well, I need muffin to keep getting washed every Saturday, so, ah, we gotta get some light on this show. And they turn on one of their flashlights, and they light a bunch of candles, and lil crimby is just, like, standing there in this little goat cow costume, and then he finally goes. [00:37:55] Speaker B: Yay. [00:37:56] Speaker C: Whoa. [00:37:57] Speaker D: It's a miracle. [00:37:58] Speaker C: It's so wonderful. Sylvia is in the back, like, oh, our God loves us so much. [00:38:03] Speaker D: He turned that flower into a little calf. [00:38:06] Speaker C: How. [00:38:07] Speaker D: How sweet, how wonderful. [00:38:09] Speaker A: And then little crimp, you know, he's got to leave really fast, so he hustles hosting. [00:38:15] Speaker C: I think Sylvia kind of scrambles up to the microphone, which is no longer working because the breaker box is totally gone. She's covered in, like, milk and stuff. [00:38:24] Speaker D: And she's going to say, we'll now proceed to the potluck portion of our, of our day. Please, everybody go eat. [00:38:34] Speaker C: And she's, like, dripping, like, frazzled, you know, just. It's. It's a scene. [00:38:41] Speaker A: Everybody heads on into the potluck portion with its singed and warped tablecloths. And there at the end of the table, they see that there is some jalapeno sun chips and a mostly spilled bucket of milk. That little crimby. I'm gonna roll. I have to beat a five, but I'm gonna roll. For lil Crimby to quick change so that he can go be ready to do the chip baptism for everybody. [00:39:17] Speaker C: Baptism? [00:39:20] Speaker B: Yes. [00:39:22] Speaker C: Crimby has a look at that in theater, I think. [00:39:25] Speaker A: In theater, um, Crimby does a really fast, quick change back out into his barefoot. That's why. I mean, his quick change is really easy. He's just got overalls and nothing else on under this goat cow costume. So he does a really fast quick change. He gets out there and he starts pointing out all the different things that different people brought. And he says at the, at the end of the line, we're adding a new thing into our ceremony slash potluck that we do every Saturday after I bathe everybody's pets in milk and also wash old man yang's tree with milk. We're going to start doing baptism, and I learned that baptism is when you dip things, and we love milk. So we're going to take these chips that I got at the store after performing child labor, and we're going to dip them in the milk, and then we're going to eat them. Does that sound good? We're going to do baptism now. [00:40:21] Speaker C: Rule for persuading the public. [00:40:24] Speaker A: Okay. What I actually learned is that if you roll a six, you get to automatically reroll the die. It says, ignore the new result. The only purpose of rerolling is to give you a chance at succeeding on your next roll. This is my new baseline. Roll is another six. So I. Unless I roll a third six in a row, I will fail. I rolled a one, of course. So I think that the milk is curdling and bubbling just actively. And I think crimby opens the bag of chips and, like, half of them just, like, explode into the bucket of milk. And he goes, all right, well, they're already in it. We're gonna dip them anyway. I mean, he just, like, holds out the bag of chips for everybody to dip into the milk that also has, like, half of the bag of chips in it. [00:41:14] Speaker C: Yuck. [00:41:17] Speaker B: I think old man ying's outside at this point, folks. I think I want to try to cover for you if possible, if there's some possible way. [00:41:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:41:29] Speaker B: All right. And then, so I'm beating your one. [00:41:32] Speaker A: You have to beat my one. [00:41:33] Speaker B: Okay, that's a one. [00:41:37] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [00:41:40] Speaker B: I'm very unlucky with this bone shaped dad. Folks, folks, I know, I know. It's basically we're eating soup. We're eating socket little soup. But we all love milk here. And what do we love as much as we love milk? But, of course, grains and oats. And it looks like these chips were also made by grains and oats. It'll be fine as a little. Just a little dip. And the dips can have any kind of consistency, including this, you know, kind of curled milk. It'll be fine, you know, as long as it's, you know, not something that will cause God to one day, you know, decide to bless your house with not inconvenient plants in the middle of your walkway, your path to school, your house, your entire house. I think it should be fine. Now, don't we all agree, folks? Don't we all agree? Yes. [00:42:55] Speaker A: Are you suggesting we should cover our entire homes in oats and milk? [00:43:00] Speaker B: No, I would never say something like that. [00:43:04] Speaker A: Okay, well, just thought I'd ask. [00:43:07] Speaker B: I'm just saying that lil Crumpy here did such hard work trying to get this together, and I see a real few for him, not only in, you know, the performance space, but performing baptisms. And if that made. Yes. [00:43:27] Speaker A: I didn't see little crimby on stage. Where was he? [00:43:31] Speaker B: Oh, he was not on. When I say performance, we all perform multiple times during the day in our own little lives. And performing can mean more than just, you know, doing a little jig going up on a stage. It could mean you're performing, you know, a ritual. We all perform a little ritual every morning, yes. [00:43:59] Speaker A: Are you saying that little crimby's very, extremely godly act of washing all of our critters, and, of course, your tree with milk every Saturday morning is not real, and it is, in fact, a performance? [00:44:13] Speaker B: No, no, no. You are misconstruing my words. When a performance means more than just acting, it means doing. So when he does perform this little every Saturday morning, milk bathing all of our creatures in my tree, it's him doing an act for God and doing something for God. And it's very real. You do not, you know, go see an apparition at your door and go washing your dogs and cats and cows. No. You see a little grimby there with his pails doing good stuff. Yes. [00:45:02] Speaker A: Are you suggesting that God could not wash our critters in your tree? [00:45:06] Speaker B: I'm not. [00:45:08] Speaker A: God was very powerful and could do anything with milk and cows and flowers. [00:45:14] Speaker B: You are turning my words inside out. [00:45:18] Speaker A: I'm just trying to understand as clearly as I possibly can. [00:45:21] Speaker B: Oh, go ahead, Miss Sylvia. [00:45:25] Speaker D: Thank you. I'm so glad to see you at the potluck here with us today. Have you tried these goat kebabs? I think they're really quite. [00:45:32] Speaker C: She's just trying to go for, like, a distract. You know, like, quit asking questions about her. [00:45:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:45:38] Speaker C: So she's gonna try and roll to persuade him. I moved my dice and forgot what I had. Dang it. [00:45:45] Speaker A: You had a five. [00:45:46] Speaker C: A five? Oh, gosh. Okay. Yeah, I got a one. [00:45:50] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. [00:45:51] Speaker C: Can I. I have an idea for what happens. [00:45:53] Speaker A: Yes. [00:45:54] Speaker C: I think that as Sylvia's trying to hype these up, her sweet Nana, who is also a member of the church, is gonna say, oh, kebabs. And I think she's gonna eat one, and she's gonna start choking on a kebab. [00:46:09] Speaker B: No, no, Nana. Nana. [00:46:15] Speaker A: Little cribby's gonna roll to cover by helping. By doing the Heimlich maneuver on Nana. I got a two. So I barely succeed over year one. Little crimby goes over and does the Heimlich maneuver, gets the piece of goat kebab out of Nana's mouth and go. [00:46:37] Speaker C: I think her dentures also go flying. [00:46:39] Speaker A: Oh, Nana, your dentures. Okay. He goes and grabs the dentures. Wow. I gotta miss Sylvia. Can I borrow your dentures wiping cloth. [00:46:49] Speaker C: Okay. Are you alright, Nana? She's checking on her. Making sure she's okay. [00:46:56] Speaker A: Well, everybody just be, just be careful. Chew carefully. Goat meat, as we all know, is not the best meat. Not better than beef, as we all know, as followers of milk God. Just be careful eating it. We're eating it in protest of the goat church being so mean to us. Do you hear them? They're being real. Real. They're saying bad words. [00:47:25] Speaker B: Cow sucks. Your mom's a cow. [00:47:30] Speaker C: Try. It's time to move over for the goat God. [00:47:34] Speaker B: Move over. You guys are bad. [00:47:42] Speaker A: Goat home. Goat home. Is there anything else we need to do to convince everybody that our God is alive and well? [00:47:58] Speaker B: I think we have the final hopes and dreams writing thing. [00:48:02] Speaker A: Yes. [00:48:03] Speaker C: Oh yeah. [00:48:03] Speaker B: And then we have to reveal three in real time after all of them are collected to, you know, start off the new. Whatever. [00:48:13] Speaker A: Yep. [00:48:14] Speaker B: Okay. Now folks, since we're all of our stomachs are full, it's time for everyone's favorite portion. Maybe not everyone's, but, you know, ratting down your hopes and dreams for the next bit or so. Making sure. Hoping that maybe our God, when he communicates with us, will grant some of y'all's things and, you know, auspicious, auspicious things for the future. So passing around slips of paper like hands out to someone like the other people, the congregation, the kids, and just like, pass them down, write as many as you want, but maximum of twelve. And then just, you know, share your pins and everything. When you're done, pass them back down. We'll put them in a little bowl, we'll do a little shake and, well, reveal three and that'll set us off for the year. Alrighty, let's get to it, folks. Everything should be good and fine and nothing, nothing will go wrong this year. I know for sure. [00:49:22] Speaker A: Goat church believes in pessimism. Who has time for hopes and dreams? [00:49:27] Speaker B: Certainly not you, by the way that you look. [00:49:32] Speaker A: What does that mean? [00:49:34] Speaker B: I'm just saying that you should look less like the things you worship and more like. [00:49:42] Speaker A: That's really mean. [00:49:45] Speaker B: Well, you, the people who rolled up to an entire church that's just supposed to spread happiness and good times and you decide to, you know, come over here and pick it at it for no good reason, you will have so much hatred in your body, I don't believe. I'm just very glad. I, like, I pick up like a kebab and like, I don't understand why you guys can't, you know, maybe you're hungry. You need to fill your bed. You're getting a little hanger. Here, have a little kebab I made today. [00:50:26] Speaker A: Roll to go. Timidate. [00:50:33] Speaker B: Okay? Not what, doing great. It's a two. [00:50:43] Speaker A: You trick this lead goat guy into taking a bite of goat kebab. [00:50:49] Speaker B: Now, isn't that tasty? [00:50:51] Speaker A: Yeah. What is this? [00:50:54] Speaker B: That tastes like anything that you're familiar with. [00:50:59] Speaker A: Uh, no. No, I don't think I've ever had this before. [00:51:03] Speaker B: Interesting, interesting. I learned a little something new about you folk every day. For example. [00:51:09] Speaker A: What's that? [00:51:10] Speaker B: You don't eat your own goats. [00:51:14] Speaker A: This was goat. [00:51:16] Speaker B: Not just any goat, silly. What, what's the name of the little, little guy store today? [00:51:26] Speaker A: The little guy you stole today? Yeah, I remember him just as soon as, it was 4 hours ago at noon. His name was big man. [00:51:38] Speaker B: Well, I'm so happy you've been reacquainted with big man. [00:51:43] Speaker A: This was big man? [00:51:45] Speaker B: Yes. Maybe you should go a whole cleanse yourself a bit. [00:51:52] Speaker A: I'm gonna go cleanse myself. [00:51:54] Speaker B: Tell the rest of you, too, if you. Vietnam day. It was most certainly cooked with big. [00:52:00] Speaker A: Man relishes all the goat congregation. People start crying about big man. [00:52:09] Speaker C: Weren't they planning on sacrificing him anyway on a Wednesday? [00:52:14] Speaker B: It's Saturday. [00:52:17] Speaker A: It's too soon. You went too soon. [00:52:24] Speaker D: Well, maybe. Maybe some of us can put in some hopes and dreams for you all. [00:52:29] Speaker C: As Sylvia's kind of starting to collect the little slips of paper from people, and she is kind of peeking at them as they go, it's like, okay, which ones can we keep? Which ones do we need to swap out? And just trying to keep tabs on all that. So I'm gonna roll for just, like, slip of paper awareness. I have to beat a one. I got a two. Yeah. So I think she's able to subtly, like, pick out, like, some of the, like, I want world peace, and she throws that one out. Things that she knows that they cannot fake. The milk gods miracles with and is sort of, like, cleansing and purging some of the unrealistic ones, but, like, things like, I hope that I get to have a nice walk home after. Like, she's keeping that, like, that kind of stuff, like, very low level miracles in that are possible to fake. [00:53:34] Speaker A: So awesome. I think it is now time for us to draw from the bowl of miracles, see what we get. Let's each roll a d six. Trying to beat our last rolled number to see if we get something. Our goal is to get something that's possibly, like, a miracle that could happen. I'm trying to beat a two. [00:53:56] Speaker C: I am also trying to beat a two. [00:53:58] Speaker B: I'm also trying to beat a two. [00:53:59] Speaker A: All right, I got a three. So little crimpy pulls one out and looks at it and says, this is a picture of a cow. We have those. That's great. [00:54:10] Speaker C: I got a five. So I think Sylvia pulls hers out and it says, I hope the goat church will leave us alone, as they're all starting to, like, disperse after, like, we ate big man. So she's like, oh, it's a miracle. Our God loves us so much. [00:54:29] Speaker B: I also got a five. And so I'm gonna read off of a fortune cookie message generator. No matter what your past has been, you have a spotless future. Oh, there's numbers on this one. 4373-943-4446 I don't know what that means, but maybe the kids one day. [00:54:56] Speaker E: What. [00:54:56] Speaker B: What numbers mean for the grand scheme of things. I think, folks, this is a very awesome, auspicious day. We are expecting good tidings in the future. [00:55:11] Speaker C: The crowd is cheering, I imagine. [00:55:15] Speaker A: And so, as our story ends, our camera view pans up through the roof of milk church's congregational potluck room. And through the roof, we see the building itself and the now decimated by a goat's former lily of the valley field surrounding it. We see the. The goat church people hanging their heads in shame and sadness as big man was eaten, which is bad for them, but great for us. We hear the cheers of people happy with their fortunes being read and the true miracle of. Of a flower being turned into a cow being performed right in front of them on stage. And we zoom out of this little, seemingly western ish town. Having somehow succeeded in our task. We did it. We convinced everybody that milk God lives, at least for now. [00:56:23] Speaker B: Did we win the game? [00:56:26] Speaker A: That's the game, dad. [00:56:28] Speaker C: GG is leave a cup of milk out for milk God tonight. [00:56:34] Speaker A: Leave a cup of milk out. [00:56:37] Speaker C: Oh, my gosh. [00:56:38] Speaker B: As we eat some oatmeal tomorrow. [00:56:41] Speaker A: Eat some oatmeal. Wash your pet with milk. [00:56:45] Speaker B: All right, butters, where you at? [00:56:49] Speaker A: Don't be afraid to pit your cherries. And careful eating your goat kebabs because. [00:56:57] Speaker B: You might be eating someone's pets. Yeah. [00:57:01] Speaker C: So many life lessons were learned today. [00:57:03] Speaker A: So many life lessons. Amazing. [00:57:08] Speaker C: Thanks so much for joining us, Rach. Do you have anything? [00:57:11] Speaker A: Yeah, thanks, Rach. [00:57:12] Speaker C: Any socials or projects? [00:57:15] Speaker B: No, I haven't really been working on anything lately. It's been wonderfully, a wonderful being back. I always love playing with you guys. [00:57:25] Speaker A: Yeah, it was awesome. [00:57:26] Speaker B: Yeah. If anyone wants us wants to hear distant callings of my voice from when I used to record I am Wiki wicked cornflakey on TikTok. Wiki cornflakey on Twitter. That's about it. [00:57:48] Speaker A: Sweet. [00:57:49] Speaker C: Incredible. Everyone should go and follow them. They're so, so great. [00:57:54] Speaker A: Yes, absolutely. If you had fun listening to us play this game and thought that we, or agree with us that we had fun playing this game, because this was really a blast. This game was our God is dead by murder Publishing Jordan Palmer Tyler Crum Rein or Crum Rhine illustration by Joyce Chang editing by Lindsey Palmer they honestly crushed it. It's a really simple, easy to follow game that is laid out really simply that we could follow even without, like, talking to each other very much and had a blast embracing the chaos and the extreme amount of one that we rolled. And I believe after this, well, actually, I guess we'll probably let Jay tell everybody. I think we'll probably have a week off and then be back into campaign three, campaign four, campaign four. [00:58:58] Speaker C: I mean, Jay, save us. [00:59:02] Speaker A: We'll just let Jay say it and we'll see you later. Bye. Thanks, everybody. Bye bye. [00:59:11] Speaker F: Hi, everyone. Jay here with the outro. Thank you so much for listening to yet another episode of spells and whistles. And we're rounding out the end of our mini series mayhem with our God is dead. Thank you again to Ben, Meg, and most importantly, Rach, for all of their fun times and shenanigans in this series. Yes, it is true. Next week, we will be taking a week off to recuperate from our insane amount of mini series mayhem content we just posted. But after that, we will be returning with arc four of our main campaign. We are so excited to be bringing this back for you guys, but in the meantime, if you want to stay caught up with all things spells and whistles, you can follow us on our socials. We are spells and whistles pod on Instagram and TikTok and spells whistles on Twitter. If you want to support us even more, you can join our patreon. [00:59:56] Speaker C: Or if you just want to have. [00:59:57] Speaker F: A fun community to have a good time with, you can come join our community discord. All of these ways are amazing ways to stay connected with us and to see what's next and on the horizon. Thanks again so much for listening and for enjoying miniseries mayhem. Thanks again to our plethora of guests for joining us and helping us in this amazing, wild summer of a time. And we will catch you guys in two weeks time. [01:00:19] Speaker B: If you enjoyed our God is dead, you may enjoy some of these other fun collaborative games. [01:00:25] Speaker E: Beak, Feather and Bone written by Tyler Crumareen illustrations by Austin Breed Map by Jonathan Yee Beak, Feather and Bone is a collaborative world building tool and competitive map labeling rpg where players are assigned community roles before taking turns claiming and describing locations on an unlabeled city map. The quiet designed and written by Avery Aldera design insights from Jackson Tegu illustrations by Ariel Norris the quiet year is a collaborative map game. Players live out the struggles and triumphs of a worn down community before the Frost shepherds arrive at the end of the year. Grasping Nettles Ridden by Adam Bell edited and illustrated by Sasha Lee Grasping Nettles is a storytelling and world building game. Build a community and tell its story through generations. Watch as characters and factions rise in power, or meet their demise as generations pass. Explore the legacies you and your fellow players have created. [01:01:42] Speaker B: Dolly we bought a dream house by. [01:01:45] Speaker E: Jasmine Neitzel and Andrea Rick illustrated by Andrea Rick Dolly we bought a dream house is a hack of bunny we bought a dungeon, which is also by Jasmine Neitzel and Andrea Rick, you are. [01:01:59] Speaker B: A group of dollies moving into your. [01:02:02] Speaker E: Shared dream house in this pink tastic plastic world. Explore your new house, meet the locals. [01:02:09] Speaker B: And tell a story of your dream. [01:02:11] Speaker E: Renovation innovation in this collaborative house building game.